dear future boyfriend,

Sorry to bother you again. I know that you might be getting a little weirded out by all these letters from some girl you've never even met. Which is why I'm requesting that you save these letters until the beginning-of-the-relationship-everything-you-do-is-funny-and-cute phase that we'll inevitably go through for the first two months or so. Because then you'll find these little notes amazingly endearing. But please do not, under any circumstanaces, read this during the mind-numbingly-intense-pick-fights-about-nothing-because-it-proves-that-our-relationship-is-solid-enough-to-make-it-through-a-rough-patch phase. That's just bad news. As great as the make-up makeout will inevitably be, it's just not worth it in the end. (You know, why don't we just skip that phase altogether? Just to shake things up a bit?) So now that that's out of the way, I think we should discuss a few things.

Now, I know that you have heard (probably very corectly) that women often say what they don't mean, and don't say anything that they mean. I'm sure you're smart enough to figure out that when she says "Fine, do whatever you want. I don't care," it generally means that if you do what she wants you to do, she'll pretend that she wouldn't have minded either way, but if you actually do whatever you want, watch out.

The thing is, I have a few of my own little phrases that you need to know about. First of all, if, when you ask me what I've been telling my friends about you, I respond with "well, I told them there's this guy who's trying to date me," probably you're not the man for me. And if that's the case, you really shouldn't be reading this anyway. So please pass it along to that brown-haired blue-eyed boy across the room. Thanks.

Also, if I ever say "huh...." followed by a long silence, it probably means that I'm not that interested in what we're talking about and have absolutely nothing to contribute to the conversation. This is your cue to change the subject immediately.

If we're going somewhere, and I say that it's "not that far" away, this only means that it will taks us less than six hours to arrive at our destination. I love roadtrips, and may try to rope you into a few with my generic "not that far away" response. For your own sake, check with Mapquest. And while you're on Mapquest, you should probably print out the driving directions as well. Because most likely, I'll start driving with no real idea of where I'm going, and rely solely on my Easy Read atlas for guidance.

If I have a hard time responding to any comment you make because I'm laughing too hard, it means that I'm most likely falling in love with you. (Yay!) So keep doing whatever it is you're doing. Keep up the good work, pal.

Love,
Poodle