blind dates

Blind dates really should be against the law. Both parties inevitably spend the night praying please, please let them be clever enough to come up with questions other than

"so what's your major"

or

"where are you from?"

And when they realize that their companion is not, in fact, that clever, they desperately search for better comebacks to their resoponses than

"hmm... that's not my major"

or

"oh, I have a friend from there. Gee, what a small world"

And what makes a blind date even worse is when you're set up by the boy you currently have a crush on, who knows perfectly well that you have a crush on him and do not actually want to go out with his new roommate who apparently couldn't find his own date.

THE INVITATION:
I receive a phone call from Derek the night before the date is to take place, explaining that he and his roommates were doing a group-date-thingy the next evening. I'm feeling slightly confused, since that very day he explained to me how he had "kinda sorta" just gotten back together with the girl he had recently accidentally broken up with. Despite my wariness of group-date-thingys and concern that his "kinda sorta girlfriend" might not be thrilled that he was asking me out, I accepted. Because Derek has a certain charm that, even after four years of observation and contemplation, I still can't explain.

THE PLOT TWIST:
I hear Okay, hold on a sec, after which a new, unknown voice comes on the phone, thanking me for agreeing to go out with him on such short notice. I begin feeling even more confused than before, try to focus on the conversation taking place and figure out who exactly I'm talking to all at the same time. It finally dawns on me exactly what just happened. I pretend to be excited to be going on a date with Jason. Because, while he obviously couldn't find his own date, it's not his fault that Derek failed to tell me that he was actually asking me out for his roommate, and not for himself.

THE ARRIVAL:
Since the evening's activities are beginning at Derek's house, and I happen to know where Derek lives, and Jason has no idea where I live, since he has no idea who I am, it has been determined that I will meet him there. He's short, which, thankfully, I find incredibly attractive. He also has great legs and perfect skin, which I also totally appreciate. My feelings of Derek, you owe me BIG TIME are diminishing to okay, I may or may not ask you for a return favor sometime in the future.

A TURN FOR THE WORSE:
Jason begins the conversation with So, you're a friend of Derek's huh? Despite my best efforts, the entirety of our conversation for the evening rests on what we both know about Derek, and just to shake things up a little bit, he gives me information that I may not already know about him since I don't actually live with him. Do you know what pajamas he usually wears? No, Jason, I don't. Why don't you tell me about them? Mmm, hmmm? Really? Wow. I focus my mental energies (maybe not so successfully) on pretending to care about what he's telling me because I love to hear him talk and not because I'm wishing I were Derek's date for the evening.

THE DOOR SCENE:
There wasn't one. That's how well the date went. But at least I didn't have to deal with the dreaded "I know we've only been on one date, but I think I'm in love with you" routine. Because when that happens, I have no choice but to forget all about being nice and tell them rather bluntly what I exactly I think about that. Which, quite honestly, I really prefer not to do.