i'm a liar

I lie. All the time. Well, it's not really lying, but more pretending to be something that I'm not. Not so people will like me, or so I look super cool. But if I notice something that I don't like about myself, I pretend it's not a part of me. And I've found that after awhile, I don't have to pretend anymore. Because it's GONE. Now, I know that ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. I've tried that, and it failed me completely. Bad idea. Horrible, in fact. But I'm not talking about ignoring a problem. I deal with it by making it disappear. And for the most part, it works.

I had a friend in high school who drove me crazy. Seriously. Insane. But she was incredibly kind-hearted, and honestly, one of the best friends I've ever had. She told me one day that I was sometimes mean to her. Mean! I hate being mean. But she was right. I was. So, I pretended not to be annoyed anymore. Because her annoying habits triggered my meanness, and that was my problem. One that I had to deal with. There was nothing wrong with anything she was doing. She wasn't being mean or insensitive, or really doing anything worth getting upset over. So I pretended that the way her teeth clacked when she talked didn't annoy me. Because, in all honesty, it shouldn't annoy me. And it especially shouldn't annoy me enough that I could no longer be nice to the girl. That's just ridiculous.

I've been criticized for this before. Because it's not honest, and I'm not being myself. Which is true. I'm not entirely being myself. But what if I don't want to be myself? Don't get me wrong. I like myself a lot. I think myself is a pretty adventurous girl, and for the most part, a good person. But she's not perfect, that's for sure. So I'm refusing to settle for just being myself. I want to be better than that. Nobody's perfect. So why not take action? Why not make an effort to correct my imperfections? It may not be the ideal method, but it's better than remaining stagnant.