sympathy

yesterday, one of my students walked into class looking a little distraught. this is the conversation that ensued:

Me: Collin, you look like you're walking to your death.
Collin: I know, Ms. Reed.
Me: Why? Chemistry isn't that bad, is it?
Collin: No. But my parents just bought me a brand new BMW 530.
Me: Go sit down. You will receive no sympathy from me after starting a complaint with that statement.
Colln: But if I don't do good in this class they might take it away.
Me: Um, how are you doing in English?
Collin: Huh?
Me: Never mind....
Collin: So how's my grade?
Me: Well, you didn't turn in your lab report. And you didn't study for your last quiz. Did you study for the quiz you have today?
Collin: No....
Me: Now, if you would like to donate that brand-new BMW to the poor Chemistry teacher help fun, then maybe we can talk.
Collin: Ms. Reed, I'm not giving you my car!
Me: Then go sit down. When you're ready to reconsider my offer, let me know.

Yes, I take bribes.