Looking for Truth

Does anybody know what happened to America's tact? Anyone? No? Okay, well what about its self-restraint, then? They were close friends, the two of them, so maybe they ran off somewhere together. Maybe they've gone into hiding, removing themselves from our lives because they feel misused, unappreciated, even rejected. They used to be loved, cherished, and praised, but now they're hated, out of style. I tend to think that a demon disguising itself as Truth and Honesty swooped in and stole Tact and Restraint right out of our living rooms. It wouldn't be that hard. That's where I've always kept my box of surplus Tact. I never locked it up or tried to hide it, so anyone really could have taken it without my noticing.

When exactly did Tact and Restraint go missing? Or rather, when were they driven away by the Truth and Honesty impostor and asked to, please, never return. The advent of reality TV may have had something to do with it. We invite, even welcome these shows into our homes for entertainment purposes, or so we say. We watch the participants vociferations with anticipation, with glee. Whoa! She sure told him! So co-OOl!

Couples, married couples even, have begun attending "therapy" sessions teaching them the art of brutal honesty. They pay money, good, hard-earned money, for someone to teach them that, yes, it's okay to scream, to be brutal, mean, and unsympathetic. It's healthy, even. If your husband, the man you love, the man you committed your life to, upsets you by, say, loading the dishwasher improperly, don't let him get away with it, scream at him! Tell him what a lousy, insensitive husband he is, throw heavy objects, yell until you have no voice left with which to yell, then pull out the megaphone and keep going. Don't stop until he knows without a doubt just how angry you are, until he is sure that he is a good-for-nothing, lousy jerk. He can't get offended. Oh, no, you're only telling him the truth, being honest with him. Letting him know how you feel. That's healthy, right? Necessary for a successful relationship. Right?

Right.

Then why are marriages, friendships, associations falling apart all around us? Why is hate so prevalent and patience and tolerance scorned? The problem isn't the lack of Truth and Honesty. It's that we're afraid. Afraid to direct the truth and honesty at ourselves, to face our weaknesses and conquer them. Afraid to admit that maybe we're the one with the problem, that maybe, just maybe, we could change the way we feel, overcome our anger and replace it with something better. That we could keep ourselves from becoming incensed that the dishwasher was loaded improperly, or the fact that the car in front of us was driving a little too slowly. That's what takes true honesety. It takes looking a little deeper, past our initial reactions and emotions, and recognizing what's inside of ourselves. Recognizing that, yes, we're angry, but no, we don't like to feel this way. That the dishwasher isn't worth fretting over, and that we don't have to get upset about it. Look up synonyms for anger and you'll find, among others, the word uncontrolled. Meaning that if we could just gain a little control, get a grip, conquer ourselves, we could drive the anger away. Not by pretending it's not there, but by facing it, honestly, and taking control. By acknowledging that the only reason we're upset is because we're letting ourselves be upset. But now we've recognized it, and are doing something about it. Because we can. We always can. And that's the honest truth.