Dream Big

When I was ten, my mom went back to school. I saw her every morning sitting at our kitchen table, studying, while I got ready for school. She was still there when I came home in the afternoons, and still there when I went to bed at night. Any grade lower than an A was unacceptable, and any unfocused time was time wasted. It took thirteen years, but she fished her undergraduate degree, med school, and a pediatric residency. And during all of this, she still managed to run marathons, raise 6 kids, and look good in the process. She was perfection in knee boots and a lab coat.

If there's one thing I learned from my mothers, it's this: dream big. In fact, if it doesn't take everything you have, doesn't wear you down until you have nothing left, doesn't consume you, it's not big enough. In order for a goal to be truly great, truly admirable, it must require all of the effort, work, brainpower, dedication that you have in you. Plus some. My mom taught me to set lofty goals, and to do what it takes to achieve them.

So I did.

I chose a "difficult" major. I entered a PhD program. I announced my plans to become a university professor. My dreams all sounded impressive, required a lot of work, sleepless nights, and energy.

I recently chose a different dream, not one to impress others, not one that sounds ambitious or requires advanced degrees. But one that still takes all I have, not all of the energy and time, but rather all of the courage. The courage to change plans, to turn my back on the dreams I've always been told I should have, to choose my own path. It requires the courage to acknowledge and face up to the pride that has driven so many of my decisions, the ability to follow my heart and the feeling that this is where I can best use the knowledge I've gained, where I'm most needed. It takes the faith to know that, although my efforts may go unrecognized, unappreciated, and sometimes unaccepted, they will still impact. I may not ever see the influence of my efforts, or the result of my work, but it will be there, somewhere.

Dreams are a part of our subconscious, our deepest and, in my case, most hidden desires. They stem from our innermost wants and needs, the ambitions left after scraping away all exterior influences, abandoning the wants imposed upon us by others. I've finally managed to break down the walls, to delve into my most secret depths, the parts that I keep hidden even from myself, and really dream. And it's bliss.