are all lies bad?

In response to Katie's and Bryan's posts.

Are all lies bad? The simple answer is yes. All lies are bad. Because they're deceitful, make the liar an untrustworthy person, and are just wrong. Period.

But that's the simple answer. And, as I'm sure we're all aware, life generally isn't as simple as we'd like. We make justifications, worry about hurting others or even ourselves. We try to be nice, try to keep from hurting others, and sometimes at the expense of the truth. And so we lie. We all do. Some more than others, but we all have at some point. So where do we draw the line? When are we truly justified in lying, omitting crucial facts, or "tweaking" the truth, and when are we doing it simply to save face, or because we're afraid to admit the truth? Those answers aren't quite as simple.

I cannot condone lying simply to get gain, or to improve one's own standing. It's easily justified with the "anything that improves our overall existence is good" mentality. But the truth is, as much as we hate to believe it, lying for this purpose cannot improve our overall existence. Because, in order for your existence to truly improve, you must become a better person. And lying simply doesn't do that. If anything, it makes us worse off, simply because we were willing to compromise our integrity, and somebody else's trust, for selfish gain. It may get you the job or promotion you wanted, or win you respect, but if you couldn't earn those from your own merits, you don't deserve them to begin with, and could be inadvertently denying someone else greater accomplishments. If you get a job because you lied about your qualifications, not only do you not deserve it, but you're more than likely taking that job from someone who did, thereby decreasing their overall existence, and hurting society in general.

Lying to spare someone's feelings is a little tricker. I think everyone would agree that it's just downright rude to go around telling people you think they're ugly, stupid or boring. Humans, by nature, have a lot of opinions, and tact dictates that we keep most of them to ourselves. But feeding people sugar-coated lies could end up hurting them just as badly. I cannot believe that it's ever okay to tell someone a flat-out lie, even to spare their feelings. Tact and discretion should be used to determine when to keep our mouths shut, but lying hurts even worse than the truth. There will always be things that we don't like in others. Always. But if we keep our eyes open, we can also always find good in everyone as well. Focus on that. Tell them things you honestly like about them.

Truth can hurt. But sometimes, not knowing the truth can hurt even more. So there are three simple questions that determine whether or not being completely honest is the right move, even if it might hurt another's feelings.

1)Do they already know it? People are generally very self-conscious. Most of us are more than aware of our faults and weaknesses, and certainly don't need constant reminders of how imperfect we really are. So, if the person already know the truth, leave them alone. When we insist on constantly reminding others of their shortcomings, simply for the sake of "honesty" or "telling it like it is", we being to nag, rub salt in already-opened wounds, and ruin otherwise wonderful relationships.

2) Will this knowledge benefit them in the end? If somebody's boyfriend is cheating on them, as much as it would hurt to find out, it's better than finding out later, after investing a lot of time and emotion. Telling somebody you think they're a complete moron probably won't benefit them.

3) Is it my place to tell them? Everyone has their own network of friends and family that they count on for advice. If you're in that network, not only is it your place, it's your responsibility to tell them things that will benefit their lives and help them to become better people. You don't have to be rude or insensitive about it, but sometimes, something should be said. Even when it hurts. If you're a stranger in the grocery store, unless there is an immediate threat to somebody, mind your own business.

Changing stories to make them funnier? Perfectly okay. Anything for a good laugh.