a story in which my smartest student loses all of my respect

The Story for which he will be ridiculed for the rest of the year and, if I have anything to say about it, quite possibly the rest of his life:

Matthew, the student who scored a 105 on my physics midterm, which was 13 points higher than the next highest grade and 71 points higher than the lowest grade (while taking a scantron midterm exam): "Um, I put down B for #52, but I want to change my answer to C. How do I do that?"

The response: Um, see that pink rubbery thing on the end of your pencil? Rub that over the "B". It makes the pencil mark disappear, and it's almost like you never wrote it. Pretty clever, huh?

final exam bonus

"Explain something physics related that we discussed this year that was NOT addressed on the exam."

Guess how many students did NOT answer the bonus? Way too many. That's two free points, just because I was really getting into the whole Christmas spirit idea.

And guess how many students did NOT bring a calculator to a FINAL EXAM IN PHYSICS?!? Exactly 25% of the class. But they wouldn't know that, because they didn't have a calculator!

an actual conversation

Walking out of my building yesterday. Passing by my principal.

Principal: You're going home early today! See you tomorrow.

Me: I'm not actually going home. I'm just running over to the physics room to pick up some equipment.

Principal (with oh so much tact): Oh. For a minute there I thought you were getting a, uh, you know...

Me: A life?

Him: Well. Yes.

how i was crowned queen of everything

As if there were ever any question.

And although my fifth period class has always loved me, mainly because I continuously astound them with my knowledge of physics and feed them skittles and let them show the class pictures of one-eyed cats and teach them about conversion disorder and let them sit on their desks during class (because it is a small class and they are all angels) they were not yet convinced of my stellar sense of humor.

That is, until I won the stupid joke contest.

A priest, a monk, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says "What, is this a joke?"

Both funny and dumb at the same time. That's tough to beat.

mass of the immaculate conception

Walking the five blocks to mass in 25 degree weather with 600 teenagers = one surprisingly amusing experience.

And I must compliment the one student who convinced the ENTIRE STUDENT BODY to engage in a game called DDB, which is an acronym for something most likely inappropriate. That takes all kinds of leadership skills that I only wish I possessed. If only the game didn't involved mercilessly slugging anyone who makes the mistake of saying any word beginning with the letter "B".

And if only they remembered on their own, before I had to inform them that they would DIE if they thought for one second I was playing this game, that I am an adult and therefore do not participate in such shenanigans. But I can't really blame them, because I am so young and fun and lovable, so it's only natural for them to sometimes forget that I am an adult. Sometimes I forget too.

turns out i suck at blogging

The end.

reasons my birthday kind of sucked

• I was chewed out by an angry parent who thinks it's my fault her son turns in incomplete and completely incorrect work and is therefore failing.
  
• I stayed up entirely too late the night before and was therefore very tired and therefore overly emotional.
• My indoor soccer team lost our first game. Badly. I fail as a coach.
• There were one or two phone calls I was hoping to get, and didn't. What a let-down.
• I had already received all of my birthday presents, and therefore had no presents to open on my actual birthday.
  
• The end.
  

reasons my birthday was totally awesome

• Every single member of my family called me to wish me a happy birthday. Except for my dad. Apparently those international calls are still pretty tricky.
• Two of my classes sang me enthusiastic renditions of "Happy Birthday"
• Two of my students made me a birthday card and left it on my car windshield
• Another student made me a birthday card and wore it around like a necklace all class period
• My department bought me chocolates, flowers, and a candle. They're so nice.
• I have received countless compliments on my new boots
  

Dear "really not happy" parent,

I don't care.

Love,
Ms. Reed

FREEDOM!!!

I just finished teaching my very last class before THANKSGIVING BREAK! That means that I don't have to teach a single class, or be patient with a single teenager for an entire WEEK! And during that week when I am not dealing with teenagers or teaching classes or grading projects, I will be playing with my nieces and letting my sister cook me whatever I want to eat. (I'm nice like that.)

My last class of the day consisted of playing a game in which I make up rules as we go along and assign random points to random students. They loved it.

Here's a glimpse of how it went:

Um, sorry Drake. You're in the singing seat. You have to sing the answer if you want to get points.

Claire, roll the dice. If it's an even number, you get three points. If it's odd, the rest of the class loses a point.

Sounds pretty fair, huh? They had to answer physics questions along the way as well, which is how I justified everything. I think we'll play this game again sometime soon.

soccer team name

The Macon Love. Haha.

Only because the soccer director vetoed Macon Babies.

Charming.

moody

or, the time that a student offended me and didn't care.

Wait, that's every day.

Randy: Ms. Reed, you're acting like Ms. Coleman today.

Me: How so, Randy?

Him: Well, you're cheerful and optimistic.

Me: So you're saying I'm usually grumpy and cynical?

Him: Well, maybe.

Charming.

my many (hidden) talents that require zero talent

I'm finding out this year that I have so many talents that I've kept hidden from the world for so long.

Such as JV cross-country coach. (Note: JV Cross-country babysitter)

and Dance team moderator (Note: dance team adult supervision and operator of the CD player)

And most recently, a group of my students asked me to coach their indoor soccer team that they're playing on this winter.

I thought they were joking. They were not. Luckily, my "coaching" duties require nothing more than showing up to the games and providing adult supervision. And I am SO good at that.

it's homecoming weekend

and guess who got the privilege of chapheroning the homecoming dance?

That's right. I did.

Which meant that I spent my Saturday evening telling my students to get their tongues out of their girlfriend's mouths, and that their idea of "dancing" is just not appropriate. Joy of all joys.

And that also meant that my naive view of my students as sweet innocent children has totally gone to pot.

But on a brighter note, I got to hang out with my sister in Atlanta on Thursday. Our evening consisted mainly of sharing all the family gossip, making fun of ex-boyfriends, and drinking fancy Ritz-Carlton water. (Which, by the way, tastes no different than regular everyday water.)

parent conference

Parent: Hi, I'm Claire's mom. I just stopped by so you could reaffirm my mothering abilities by telling me how wonderful my daughter is.

Me: Um... whoa.

i found my dream job

In Baltimore. Im applying for it right now. They are looking for someone to teach freshman physics. I happen to teach freshman physics at one of the few schools in the country that teaches physics to freshmen. And they want someone who is interested in possibly teaching engineering electives in the future. (Um, also me.) So I really think they need to hire me. Thats what I told them in my letter.

If I get the job, I will:

• teach 4 sections of Freshman physics
• that is one class less than the 5 I am currently teaching
  
• move to Baltimore
• probably not have to coach JV cross country
• be the happiest girl alive

All I have to do now is write my statement of educational philosophy, in which I will basically tell them that I will fit perfectly at their school. I hope they buy it.

just a little advice for men

If you are on a date with a girl, don't tell her you think her shoes have gone out of style.

Especially if they haven't gone out of style.

a few updates, just because it's been awhile

• Cross country ended today. Hoorah!
• This means that now I can devote all of my extra time to Dance Team.
  
• I was admitted to our school's soccer game as a student last week. I informed them of their mistake and paid the full $6 adult entry fee.
  
• I let them believe I did this because I'm so incredibly honest. In reality, I was just trying to save my pride.
• Our principal finally found a long-term sub for my coworker who is out on maternity leave. This means that I am no longer responsible for teaching two classes at the same time. (And if you have never tried teaching two different subjects to two different groups of students during the same class period, let me tell you. It's not easy. Nor is it much fun.)
• I think I'm going to take a trip to San Francisco soon. With my sister.
• We are starting an egg launch project in my physics class this week. I think I'm more excited about it than some of my students are.
• I think I know what I want for my birthday from my parents. A subscription to The Physics Teacher magazine. It's expensive. But really cool.
• I think that's about it.
  

how to totally embarrass a freshman boy

While he is taking a quiz in your class, pick up his Chemistry notebook that happens to be lying on the floor next to his desk.

Begin flipping through, just to see if he's actually taking notes in your class. Discover that he IS, in fact, taking notes. Feel pretty great about that.

Notice the rather large note on one page reading "Willis is totally in love with Ms. Reed."

Tap him on the shoulder, point to the note, and walk away before he can defend himself.

how to make freshmen boys laugh really hard

While you are wearing your Banana Republic outfit with the Anthropologie necklace, tell them in a most serious way that you are a rap artist.

how to make a freshman boy almost cry

When he draws a picture of you during study hall, pretend to be offended and demand to see it.

Then tell him that you just do not find that picture very flattering and ask lots of serious questions about why he felt the need to mock you.

And then pretend that you are going to show this mocking picture to Coach Pierce, who is the one person on campus that every single student is afraid of, mostly when he is involved, it means that they are in a LOT of trouble.

Then let him stew for the last fifteen minutes of class. And every time he looks over to glare at you, smile at him because you are not so good at pretending to be angry when you are not really angry. This part is crucial. Instead of picking up on the fact that you are not really angry with him and are not going to get him into trouble, he will think that you are glad that he is in so much trouble and will possibly get suspended for drawing a stick-figure depiction of you. And this is when you think he just might actually cry.

And then when the bell rings and he approaches you asking you to please not laugh at him, then you can finally tell him this is all a joke, and that you actually found the stick-figure rather amusing. And then, since he is luckily a very funny kid, and knows perfectly well that he gives you a hard time and that you are therefore entitled to giving him a hard time occasionally, he will laugh with you.

But then you realize that this probably means that you have started a war. But you also realize that this is by far the funniest joke you have ever played on a student. And that pretty much makes you satan.

something funny

I am in charge of the dance team at our school.

Enough said.

I'll update you next month after you've stopped laughing.

sad day in georgia

I just found out that the coffee shop at which I sit and grade papers and use their free wireless internet is closing. Tomorrow is their last day open. Now where am I supposed to get free wireless internet?

And it was the location at which I made my first Macon friend. (Now, that part doesn't make me that sad, but I thought it would make me sound a little less selfish than whining about loss of free wireless internet.) But seriously, where am I going to find free internet?

I have no idea.

listen to me whine

Maybe I should have my students fill out new class evaluations. I thought we were all getting along so well, and enjoying Chemistry so much, but for some reason, within the past four days, TWO of my students have gone to the principal and told him they want to transfer out of my class because I hate them and apparently pick on them and am mean to them. Whatever. I gave them detentions. That's not that mean.

Luckily, Mr. Principal man suggested to Girl 1 that maybe if she didn't sit in the back of the class and talk to her friends and write on the lab tables, our relationship might improve. And luckily she took his advice and is now a delight in class, and no longer thinks that I hate her.

Not so luckily, Mr. Principal man told Boy 1's mother and grandmother that I would LOVE to have a conference with them to discuss the problem. And not so luckily Boy 1's mother has the same attitude problem as her son. Huh. Imagine that. So after school today, I was delighted by 45 minutes of interrogation by Boy's mother and grandmother, asking why I'm so mean to him and why I told him I don't care about him and why I yell at him and why I'm failing him. (Accompanied by rather frightening glares.) Never mind the fact that he either argues with me or flat-out ignores me every time I say ANYTHING to him, and never listens to a word I say and therefore doesn't even know what a proton is six weeks into Chemistry class. Clearly I am the problem. If I treated him with a little more respect, he would probably treat me with a little more respect. And clearly the assignment I gave, the assignment that I spent twenty minutes of class explaining, and that every other student seemed to understand perfectly well, was way too confusing and he therefore cannot be held responsible for failing. But as a consolation prize, Boy's grandma told me just how HOT Boy thinks I am. So I guess that makes it all okay?

And then I gave another Girl 2 a detention (for swearing) and she had an absolute conniption in class, I wanted to cry. Watching a student knocking ladders over and screaming and stomping around the room was just about all I could handle. Yikes. So I whined to the school counselor, cause he's a nice guy and knows Girl 1, Girl 2, and Boy 1 very well, and therefore understands my frustration. And he gave me a free t-shirt. Now my day is much better.

So in summary, it's been a long week. But on a better note, one of my students brought me donuts this morning, just because he's so nice. And Andrew is now bringing me an apple every friday, simply because teachers are supposed to like apples. And I was invited to be his best friend. And my physics students, the ones that every single teacher has warned me are so lazy and not so smart and not so polite, just turned in a set of beautiful lab reports. And they already understand Newton's laws way better than last year's students. And not a single one of them has complained about me to anyone. Can I just tell you how much I heart freshmen? I do. A lot.

Class Evaluations

Last week I was feeling brave, so I let my students fill out "class evaluations," which basically means they tell me (anonymously) their favorite and least favorite aspects of the class, what they understand the best and what is most confusing to them. This was done under the pretense that I value their opinions and want each student not only to be successful, but to enjoy the class as well. Really I knew there would be a whole lot of buttkissing going on, and it makes me feel good to have students write that their favorite part of class is me, and that there's just nothing that they don't like about my class thus far. (Um, is there some dirt on your nose? Cause it's looking a little brown.)

As expected, most of them are phenomenal buttkissers, which made me feel pretty good, they were pleased that I had asked for their opinions, and everyone left class happy. Mission accomplished. I was not, however, expecting a note with the name "Mr. Math Teacher" signed at the top with the responses "my favorite part of the class is getting to see you every day, my least favorite part is when I have ot leave, I understand that I really like you, but the one thing I don't get is why you never call."

Dear Students,

No, I am not dating the math teacher.

And no, I am not going to start dating the math teacher.

Yes, I sat next to him at the football game yesterday. And yes, we walked out of the stadium together. But that's because we just happened to arrive at the same time, and we just happened to park next to each other. I assure you it was purely coincidental.

So all those raised eyebrows and excited squeals? They can stop.

Thanks,
Ms. Reed

i'm fashionable

Or so says my student John.

But the sad part of the story is that after John told me I was fashionable, and I put my hands on my hips and told him "Thank you very much, John, I really appreciate that," poor sweet John thought I was being sarcastic. And then he got very scared and wanted to leave my class before I started yelling at him for telling me I am fashionable.

I'm not sure why anyone would ever yell at someone for calling them fashionable, but he was nevertheless very afraid. Maybe because I was in such shock that John, who is a delightful child but much more likely to make fun of me than to call me fashionable, had given me a sincere compliment that my thank-you was said in more of a tone of surprise than gratitude. But then I didn't yell, and then he was very confused and did not know what to do.

Luckily, John is very smart and knows how to use deductive reasoning and therefore concluded that since I did not yell at him I was sincerely grateful that he also me fashionable. So now guess what? John and I are "tight". That's what he told me. And that's what he told his friends at the football game when I walked by.

And that's a happy ending to a sad story.

one not-so-good thing

Having your student tell you in the middle of class that your fly is down. And finding out that it's not a joke.

a few good things

• being told that my teaching techniques are "borderline genius." I'm more prone to believe that they are beyond genius, but I'll take the compliment.
• other teachers telling me that they heard their students talking about how much they loved my class
• free laptops
• and long weekends
• and a lot of other stuff
• making fun of Ben mercilessly for showing up to the faculty party wearing the exact same shirt as his fiance. I am so glad they found each other. And so grateful for the hours entertainment found at their expense.
  

guess where i am

No, seriously. I want you to guess.

Fine. I'll tell you. I'm sitting on the floor in my living room typing on my brand-new laptop. Now, you may be wondering how I can afford a brand-new, fingerprint recognition, built-in wireless internet laptop on a teacher's salary. I'll tell you how I can afford it. I didn't pay for it. My school bought it for me, mainly because they love me a lot. And the only thing I have to do in return is use it a lot. I'm pretty sure I can do that.

i have just one question

How exactly does one end up driving west on a road that is not I-10, a road that is, in fact, so far from being I-10 that it has stoplights and pedestrian crosswalks, when one's only job for ten full hours was to drive east on I-10 without getting off?

I'm just not sure.

I think it might have had something to do with the traffic jam. The traffic jam which occupied four of the five lanes of freeway, while the fifth lane was empty due to the fact that it led somewhere that the traffic jam did not. And if everybody wanted so badly to get where the traffic jam was going, badly enough that they would remain in said traffic jam instead of occupying the empty lane, then clearly the empty lane must be leading to nothing but trouble. Kind of like when one pulls up to a toll booth, sees the green light over an empty tollbooth lane, the light which means "this lane is open", but one still pulls into the next lane, the one behind a row of six cars, because clearly there is something wrong with the empty lane.

"Huh. Nobody's going through that one. It must be broken."

And although one saw all six cars pull in right in front of you, and knows perfectly well that they are not receiving a secret message informing them of the demise that will surely come as a result of driving though the empty tollbooth lane, a secret message that you are somehow missing, even though you pulled up at the same time they did, one still avoids the empty tollbooth lane.

"How come nobody's using that one? The light's green. It's open. Idiots. Me, I'm not an idiot. I'm just not in any sort of rush. So, in order to prove that I'm not in a rush, and am so totally laid-back, and so totally selfless as to leave the empty tollbooth lane open to allow other cars to go in front of me, I will sit in this long line behind six other cars and wait patiently. That's how nice I am."

Yes. Yes. I'm pretty sure that's it. One somehow got off of I-10 going east and onto a non-freeway road traveling west because of the traffic jam. Because one, being all the way over in the left lane, the designated "fast" lane, did not want to inconvenience the other traffic jammers by cutting in front of them, even though one would surely wave the "thank you for letting me in" wave, since one obviously is aware of proper driving etiquette, just to make the poor traffic jammers jealous that one got to drive in the empty lane.

That's nice. That's very, very nice.

Dear Subconscious,

Please stop sending first day of school dreams. This is getting old.

I'm not going to forget to plan a lesson. And I'm not going to forget that school starts August 16. And I'm certainly not going to get lost trying to find the classroom.

And everybody knows that kids always behave on the first day. Even if that's the one day of the year that nobody will give me trouble, I promise you they will be nice for at least that first day.

Thanks,
Brittany

Dear Engineering Friends,

Good news. I checked Katie's and Bryan's academic calendars and GUESS WHAT!?! They have the same spring break. So guess where we're going? Atlanta.

We have two options. We can go Friday - Monday (or Tuesday) March 23-27, or Thursday - Sunday, March 29-April 1. I'll let you guys decide.

And while we're in Atlanta, we can visit:

Martin Luther King, Jr. National Historic Site
A two-block area in memory of the famed leader of the Civil Rights movement and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. Features include the Freedom Hall Complex, Chapel of All Faiths, and King Library.

CENTENNIAL OLYMPIC PARK
This 21-acre urban landscape, the largest urban park to be developed in this country in more than two decades, was the central venue for the 1996 Summer Olympics.

Atlanta Botanical Garden
The Atlanta Botanical Garden is a beautiful exhibit of nature's glory, right in the heart of the city. A walk through the garden is a great stress reliever. There are always special events going on, including unique flowers, summer concerts, romantic jazz nights, and children's activities.

Stone Mountain Park
One of Atlanta's most recognizable tourist attractions, this huge monument to the confederacy covers 25 million square feet and rises 825 feet above the surrounding area, carved with the likeness of three confederate heroes. There is plenty to see and do, including the ever-popular laser show, holiday events, hiking, boating, fishing, and souvenir shopping.

High Museum of Art
American art at the top of the High is well worth a visit. Varied collections, beautifully displayed in stunning building.

or Atlanta's underground

...to name just a few. And we can eat at:

South City Kitchen
The culinary traditions of South Carolina's Lowcountry inspire the cooking at this cheerful restaurant. This is the place to get fried green tomatoes with goat cheese, she-crab soup, or buttermilk

Ray's on the River Seafood House
On the banks of the Chattahoochee River, Ray's on the River draws crowds, particularly for the Sunday brunch.

And then we can head down to Macon for

Cherry Blossom Festival / Local Events
Third week in March featuring the best of Southern traditions and contemporary entertainment. Attractions include hot-air balloons, arts & crafts, parades, daily concerts, dances, and amusement

Neat Museum
We really enjoyed the Music Hall of Fame - it was the first attraction we visited when my man moved to Macon. It was smaller than we expected, but packed with interesting music info about GA artists

or

www.tubmanmuseum.com


and eat

Southern Food with Gourmet Flair
i love the concept. southern food with a gourmet twist. i just felt like i could lounge and take my time. no one was rushing me. and everyone who works there was so great to talk to.

or have a

http://travel.yahoo.com/p-reviews-2980732-prod-travelguide-action-read-ratings_and_reviews-i;_ylt=ArfZDp1.I6QkHgPxywHT21fGQGoL#1
Service and food was excellent. Great pasta and the best steak my husband has ever had. Nice, romantic ambience, tucked away in downtown Macon (almost hidden).

and dessert at Bruster's.

And if we want to continue the outdoorsy/camping tradition, there is plenty of camping to do in the Northern part of the state.

So who's on board?

Dear Mom,

Would you mind sending me that National Geographic article that I was coveting from your house? Thanks. You're the best.

Love, Poodle

PS: Thanks for the outfit.
PPS: And the shoes.

Newlyweds

So last week I was reminded of the time that my brother and I won a deck of cards playing "The Newlyweds Game" at the Provo mall, and how they didn't even make us pretend to be newlyweds. (For which I am eternally grateful, because pretending to be married to your brother is jut plain wrong. Even for a deck of Tommy Hilfiger playing cards.)

And then I remembered that we won mainly because Ryan knew I had a crush on a boy named Aaron, and I knew that he was interested in a girl whose name will not be mentioned because we are all very grateful he did not end up with her. Not that there was anything wrong with her*, per se, but not ending up with her meant that he could end up with Brianna, who is not afraid to tell him what a big fat baby he's being when he tries to blame her when he loses a game of spoons.

But then I remembered that our victory was not so much attributed to the fact that we knew all details of each other's lives, but because the newlyweds all missed the easiest question on the test.

If your wife could go on a date with anyone in the world, who would it be?

Um, Matthew McConaughey? NO? ME?! You'd rather go out with me? Huh. Cause I'd kinda like to go out with Cameron Diaz.

*Okay, so maybe there were a few things wrong with her, the least of which was her fashion sense. But I'm trying to be nice here.

what to read:

The Great Starvation Experiment

I'm pretty sure it just jumped to status of very favorite book of all time. And I don't even like history. I've tried reading them, but about 98.3% of the time, they bore me. This is an exception.

So read it. And if you don't think you can afford it, I'll buy it for you for your next birthday. Or Christmas. Whichever comes first. Because you NEED it. Even more than I need that new Coach handbag that blogger won't let me post.

what to read:

The Great Starvation Experiment


I'm pretty sure this book just jumped to status of all-time favorite book. And I don't even like history books. I've tried reading them, and 98.3% of the time, they bore me.

And if you don't think you can afford it, I'll buy it for you for your next birthday. Or Christmas. Whichever comes first. Because you need it. Even more than I need this:

jealousy

One of my favorite Reed family phrase is "I totally won."

Won what?

It doesn't matter. I just won. The best ex-boyfriend stories contest, the cutest baby contest, the best ice-cream chooser contest, whatever. We love to win.

Is anybody else aware that they're in a competition? No. Does it matter? Absolutely not. Because I won.

And just for the record, I totally won the best blog contest, if for no other reason than that nobody else in my family has a blog. So in typical Reed spirit, they all went out and got themselves blogs so that they could win the newest blog contest, or the bluest blog contest, or whatever competition they secretly have going with the rest of us.

So Ashley wins the most narcissistic contest. She'd really like to thank herself for being so awesome. A definite must-read.
]
The Shade wins the naivete award. So if you'd like to read about a BYU freshman who still believes that a boy who keeps her up until 3:30 am "just talking" is "only a friend" and "just being nice", this is the one for you. It's really very sweet.

And then Mom the Bomb wins the prize for the best dance moves. You should see her shake her groove thing. Whoa.

But I'm still the original. I win. So take that!

yummy

So the other day, my brother in law pulled out a bottle of breast milk that had been tucked away in the back of the fridge. The bottle that was tucked away in the back of the fridge because he had hid it there.

Um, I'm pretty sure Mabel isn't crawling through the fridge trying to steal extra breastmilk.

But no, of course she's not. He was trying to hide it from me.

No matter what angle I approach this situation, it is not flattering to me.

Lake Tahoe

having just returned from a glorious and gorgeous trip to Lake Tahoe, I thought I'd fill you in on the adventures.

What I took with me:

one hair straightener, just in case

a library, mainly because I'm easily distracted on airplanes and require at least 10 books to keep myself entertained

a new hair color, for show-off puposes

ten t-shirts, because i'm never sure which ones I'll actually feel like wearing

What I gained in Tahoe:

the kayak surfing championship, but only after Derek taught me the proper technique. So maybe I'll split the prize with him, 50/50

lots of funny stories

the knowledge that, although almost ALL OF OUR FRIENDS BAILED on us, Katie is very reliable. Thanks, pal.

a blister

three nights with very little sleep

an easy method for making the Chemistry Day T-shirt I've been wanting, stolen from Derek's Skunk shirt

Tahoe's best breakfast, involving vanilla custard strawberry waffles which tasted suspiciously like dessert

zero hot dogs. my one regret. camping without hotdogs should be illegal.

What I brought home:

one free round-trip ticket for anywhere in the continental United States I wish to visit

two sunburn stripes, one down the front of each leg

dirt. and lots of it.

plans for next year's spring break trip to Atlanta

i'm a great mother. and very smart.

So I took Marble* to get her pictures taken at The Picture People today. I decided that I would pretend to be my sister so that they would think that I was Marble's mother, and therefore had the right to take home photos of her. And it just seemed like it would make things easier. Unfortunately, I forgot that sometimes people ask questions, and when you're pretending to be somebody else, it's sometimes hard to come up with answers to said questions. So I walk in, and the questions start.

Super helpful worker girl: So, have you been here before?

Me (as my sister): Yup.

Girl: Okay, great. What's your last name?

Me: Reed

Girl (trying to look me up in the computer): Um, okay... What's your address?

Me: We live on Westheimer. Wait, no we don't. We live on the SH Parkway.

Slightly suspicious and much less eager to be helpful girl: Er, are you sure about that?

Me: Yes. Very sure.

Girl: Alright, what's your phone number?

Slightly embarrassed me: Um, hold on. Let me look it up. It's in my phone.

Girl: You don't know your phone number?

Me: Well, you know, I've never had any reason to call myself, so... And with everybody having cell phones these days, I guess there's just no need?...

Girl: Okay, well I'm not finding it. The name's Reed?

Me (doing a pitiful job of faking my identity): Oh, wait! No, it's not. It's Peterson now. Sorry. I'm still not used to the whole name change thing. I mean, I was a Reed for 26 years, so you know... It's been a hard transition. So... Yeah. The name's Peterson. Sorry.

So I officially can never go undercover for any reason ever again. Which was a sad discovery, because I've always thought it would be really fun to go undercover and act completely different and not be at all embarrassed about it because, surprise, it's not me!

*And no, my family has not joined in the name-your-child-after-inanimate objects trend. Her real name is Mabel. And she is gorgeous.

i'm a sinner

Today during Sunday school, the teacher wrote "Honor" on the board and asked us what our first thought was when we saw the word.

My first thought: "Hey! That's Logan's sister's name on Gilmore Girls!"

Yes, my mind is definitely where it should be.

never again

I am never ever again allowed to step foot inside an Anthropologie. Their clothes are way too cute, and their sales are way too good. Sounds backwards? Yeah, I know.

And did you know that it's too hot to wear clothes in Houston?

okay, i'm finally back

And I made it to Houston in one piece. My trip involved 4 days of delays mainly because the state of Texas is impossibly slow, and a little bit because I failed to register my car when I was supposed to. (Namely, a year ago when the previous registration expired. Oops.) These four days ended in a two-hour trip to the DMV during which I tried my best not to scream when creepy DUI Philip asked me if I had a steady boyfriend in town, and if not, if I would be interested in having dinner with him sometime. He just had to ask. And I just had to say no way. I left with a newly-registered, legal-to-drive car and a brand-new status as an official Georgia Peach. (So said the super nice, not at all scary DMV worker.)

Day one of my trip involevd nine hours of driving, lots of Powerade Option fitness water, and one stop at the Mobile, Alabama IHOP to try out their new stuffed french toast. (Which, by the way, is not french toast at all. It's a donut with fruit on top.) I finally stopped for the night at a somewhat sketchy LaQuinta. And if anybody has ever wondered what it might be like to have somebody who is NOT housekeeping open the door to your hotel room at six o'clock in the morning, let me tell you, it is terrifying. If I were the kind of girl who swears, I totally would have. Instead, I acted like the composed adult that I am and hid under the covers.

So now I'm in Houston, and have spent my days playing lots of Peek-a-boo, a medium amount of making fun of Brandon, and a little bit of making fun of Bethany. I also attended one singles talent show, which involved less talent than America's Next Top Model, and made me realize that just because your mom sometimes tells you you're funny does not make you a stand-up comedian. Or a walk-around comedian. And if the walk-around comedian bit is your opening line, you should probably just go ahead and sit down. Which while a sit-down comedian may not be any more funny than a stand-up or walk-around comedian, it is much less embarrassing for everyone involved.

still stuck in georgia

and not so happy about it.

I pretty much feel like this:


But I think I'm going to buy myself some Marble Slab ice cream. That should cheer me up a bit.

it's over

Today is officially my last day teaching this year. Sad.

And here's a picture one of my students took during physics while she was supposed to be listening:

what to read:

Feed: And not just b/c it rhymes. B/c it'll, like, make u lol. And then it might def. make u cry. Well, it didn't make me cry, but books don't have that effect on me. That would just be like totally mal if they did.

The Mermaid Chair: Very well written, and worth reading, even though the main character annoyed me the entire book. Just so she knows, there is NO EXCUSE to cheat on your husband. Ever. I don't really care if you need to discover your true inner self, and have some hidden depths that have yet to be explored and blah blah blah. It's horomones. And possibly a mid-life crisis. Nothing more. Get over it. But the ending was perfect.

my mom

My mom is like a postage stamp. She sticks to one thing until she gets there.

No, I didn't come up with that on my own. I stole the quote from Josh Billings.

Who's Josh Billings, you ask?

I have no idea, I answer.

not to brag or anything,

actually, that's a lie. the sole purpose of this post is to brag.

Last night, I received the following email from one of my students:

Ms Reed...i just want to tell you that it has been a delight to have been in your chemistry class this year...i really feel that i have actually learned some stuff...but its been really fun...probably my favorite class/ teacher...and sorry i havent really been doing much work lately...but i have just got really lazy and tired of school...but i'm kinda still trying...haha sorta...but anyways i'll see u in class...bye ms reed...:-)

enough said.

happy chemistry day!

6:30. Get home. Take a nap.

8:30. Hear the doorbell ring. Wonder who it is. Go to the door and look out the peephole. Recognize Collin, one of my students. So I open the door.

me: Collin, you have GOT to be kidding me.
Collin: I am not kidding Ms. Reed. Here, take this. He hands me a bag. It's heavy.
Me: What is this?
Collin: It's CapriSuns. For class tomorrow. And a cake. He holds out a bakery box. I look inside and notice that it has "Happy Chemistry Day!" written on it. I jump with exitement. (It was maybe more of a skip, but whatever.)
Me: Oh, my gosh, it says Happy Chemistry Day! That is so great! I'm not even annoyed about being wooken up anymore. Woken up. Whatever. I'm excited.
Collin: Right. I don't have room for this in my fridge, so you'll have to put it in yours. And by the way, where have you been? We have knocked on every door in this building looking for you. We knocked on Mr. Math Teacher's door. We thought you were, like, on a date or something.
Catherine: (With eyebrows raised, waving her hands back and forth.) Yeah, we thought that you two were, like, you know.....
Me: Um, no. He lives underneath me. But that's another story.*
Collin: Okay, so bring the cake to class tomorrow and we'll eat it. To celebrate Chemistry day. Now go back to sleep.

And I'm still so excited that the cake actually says "Happy Chemistry Day" I don't even mind that he's bossing me around.

*The other story: Two months ago, my principal came into my classroom and started making small talk. Which he's not very good at. And then he mentioned that they just hired a young, single male math teacher, who is apparently just SO nice. Really, so nice. And he was so sure that we would get along just great. So would I mind, you know, making him feel welcome? And, by the way, Dr. Principal recommended that he move into my apartment complex. Hooray. So now he lives underneath me.

why, oh, why

Would you ever name your child:

Coco: Do you want her to grow up to be a hooker?

Bambi: see above.

Rainy: anything dealing with weather is just wrong.

Cook: Now, I realize that the term "bun in the oven" is kind of cute (kind of), but that's taking it just one step too far.

Gray: we have at least three at our school. Is that how he makes you feel? Poor, poor child.

Dear Seniors,

Goldfish in the toilets? Seriously? You can come up with a better sernior prank than that.

Much Disappointment,
Ms. Reed

funny stories

My physics students recently turned in a project in which they explained the physics behind a sport of their choice. One student did a track and field manual, and, while explaining the rules of the javelin throw, stated that "the javelin must have at least an 800 gram mass", but accidentally left of the "m" in the word "mass". I'm still laughing about that. So I wrote back "wow, my mass is way bigger than 800 grams." I hope he appreciates my joke.

Then we were learning about heat of vaporization in Chemistry, and I told my students about when I was hiking, and one of the boys in the group took his shirt off, got it wet, and wrapped it around the water bottle. And after a few minutes, the water in the bottle was cool.
Chris: Ms. Reed, you saw a boy without his shirt on.
Me: Yeah, I felt kind of dirty.
Followed by about five minutes of laughter.

And then in physics:
Me: Hey, do you guys want to hear a funny story?
Them: Ooh, yeah!
Me: So, I was reading this book last night, and...
And then they started laughing.
Me: Um, guys, that's not the funny part.
Them: Yes, it is.
Jerks.

And then I read a book called Feed, and the kids in the book remind me SO much of my students. Like the conversation taking place after a couple breaks up:
Her: I never want to see you again!
Him: Yeah? Okay. Then get some special goggles or something!

they learn

My students are finally learning that sometimes, I can be more stubborn than they ever thought imaginable.

Tony: Ms. Reed, I need you to print out a new grade report for me.
Me: You do, huh? Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you one yesterday.
Tony: Yeah, but I turned in a late assignment, so that should have brought my grade up.
Me: You sure did. Good for you.
Tony: Right. So, I need.... Forget it. You're not going to budge. I'm wasting my time.

If only the rest of them would pick up on this.

humiliating

I am officially the weakest person in my physics class. And I'm the teacher. We were talking about the physics principles behind karate chops, so I brought in some boards to break, thinking that I would impress them with my ability to smash a stack of boards with my bare fist. Because this website that I found told me I could. And I trusted it.

My hand hurts. And I couldn't even break one board. But every student in the class who tried was able to break at least one. I think I need to start working out.

count your many blessings

I've been pretty happy with my life these days. In fact, I've been kind of hard-pressed to find anything to complain about at all. I have a job that I love, mainly because it allows me to be the boss of everyone, (even if they are all 16 years old), and my own office (classroom). But the advice guy on the easy listening radio station (who recently replaced Delilah, hallelujah), said that people are the happiest when they make a list of three things they are thankful for every day. So I have decided to take his advice, because he seems to have all the answers. And I decided that even if I count each family member individually, and count the card my sister sent me as two blessings (because it was just that funny), soon enough I'll have to start finding more creative reasons to be grateful. So this is what I came up with.

I am thankful that I am no longer 16 years old and still in the "I'm trying to fit in by acting 'cool' while still establishing my individuality" phase. Because this phase usually involves (if you're male) showing up at prom in a white suit with black pinstripes, (which by the way nobody really thought was attractive at all).

I am also thankful that I am no longer 16 and am now smart enough to not fall for men's deceptive charm. Oh, wait. Never mind, I still fall for that. Every time. But it's been several months since any man has tried to charm me, so I have convinced myself that I'm over that phase. And for that, I am eternally grateful. (No, I have no problem with being lulled into a carnal security. Yes, all is well in Zion.)

And finally, I am grateful for the fact that I am not a 16-year-old boy. Especially the 16-year-old boy who asked the hot girl to prom, and asked her for no reason besides the fact that she is hot, and proceeded to spend the evening holding her purse and flowers while she simultaneously did her best "I'm crossing my arms and turning away from you so that you will know just how much I don't want to be here wtih you" body langugage while scanning the room for anyone to talk to that was not her date.

So yeah. My life is way better than I ever thought.

prom '06

I agreed to chapherone our school's Junior/Senior prom this weekend, partly to be helpful, but mainly because I was curious to see what the 2006 prom styles were like. I'm pretty sure the theme this year was "hot". And not hot as in "wow, all the boys will think I look so hot and will all want to date me", (although this was inevitably the look each girl was going for), but hot as in hot pink, green, yellow, blue, orange, and turquoise, not only on their dresses, but eyes and lips as well.

And I'm pretty sure that dancing has changed a bit since I was in high school. (Not that I ever danced in high school, but that's besides the point. I watched a lot of it, so that totally counts.) The moves I witnessed Saturday night mainly involved feet planted firmly on the floor, sway your hips, swing one arm, eyes on your feet. (Just in case the swaying knocks you off balance, maybe?) And if the music gets really "hopping', jump twice, return to the sway. And people wonder why I don't love to dance. Huh.

Now, it turns out that in Georgia, while line-dancing to country music is not considered "cool", it is perfectly acceptable to line dance to a rap song. And it also turns out that boys who act too tough to get excited about making rock candy in class are not too tough to dance a bunny-hop type line dance, as long as it's to the tune of a rap song. There are some things I will never understand.

All-in-all, everyone had a good time. The girls pranced around taking as many pictures as humanly possible, hiding in the bathroom to discuss the evening with their friends, while the boys followed them around carrying purses, flowers, and talking on their cell phones.

Reason # 4827

Yet one more reason I LOVE my job.

I wore a pair of lime-green pants to school today. A rather bold move on my part, but I love them. And apparently, so did my students. I have never received more compliments on an item of clothing. Teenagers can be so flattering. And my physics students now think I have "so much style".

Even though we did turn off the lights during two of my classes, just to make sure they don't really glow in the dark.

And they love my new dark-brown hair color.

Yup. Teenagers are great.

Spring Break

In exactly 5 hours and 26 minutes, I will officially be on

SPRING BREAK!!!

And if you're a student,

And you think you're excited for spring break,

You have

NO IDEA

Because, as much as I LOVE my students,

I need a vacation in a BAD WAY.

And just so you know, today I played tag with my physics class and taught my Chemistry students how to play spread eagle. Which I'm pretty sure makes me, like, the coolest teacher ever. Not to brag or anything, but seriously, who would not want to be in my class? (Don't answer that.)

so much stuff

Everything you've always wanted to know about me, but have never thought to ask. Posted mainly because Heather said all kinds of flattering things about me, and everybody knows that flattery is really the best way to get what you want. If only my students could figure that out, we'd all be much happier. And if someone could inform them that I AM way more entertaining than your high school science teacher, that would be fantastic as well.


Five Movies You Can Watch Over and Over:
1. Charly. I think that might be embarrassing enough to cover all five. And just so Wendy knows, we're watching it EVERY DAY over spring break.
2. Centre Stage
3. Bandits
4. Danny Deckchair
5. Cinderella Man

Five embarrassing Songs that You Know All the Words To:
1. Um, every cheesey song ever written?
2. "Love Shack" by the B-52's
3. "Everything I do I do it for you" by Bryan Adams
4. "Wind Beneath my Wings"
5. I think I embarrassed myself enough with Charly, so I'll stop there.

Five Memorable Halloween Costumes:
1. A dice. age 7
2. Poodle, age 23. (and just so you know, I passed for a 12-year-old in that thing)
3. Tiger, age 4
4. Rainbow Brite, age 5
5. Student, age 25

Five Celebrities You Believe May Secretly be Alien:
1. TomKat (I'm pretty sure they count as one these days)
2. Mary Kate Olsen/Ashley Olsen
3. Nicole Richie
4. Mariah Carey
5. Hanson. All of them.

Five Occupations that You Know You Could Never Do:
1. Engineer. Six years studying the profession was enough for me.
2. Middle school teacher. Good thing I teach high school.
3. High-school principal. Nobody takes me seriously enough.
4. Circus Trainer. That's just wrong.
5. Did I mention engineer? Dating one was more than enough for me.

Five Books You've Recently Read Outside of Schoolwork:
1. Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis
2. The Namesake, Jhumpa Lahiri
3. The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis
4. Memoirs of a Geisha, Arthur Golden
5. What Does It Mean to be Well-Educated, Alfie Kohn

Five Ways to Perfectly Spend an Afternoon:
1. Napping
2. Reading in bed
3. At a high school baseball game with a picnic
4. Traveling somewhere new
5. Hiking

Five Lines You Blatantly Stole From a Movie, TV, a Commercial, or Song:
1. "Sore" As in, "and they were sore afraid." From the bible. Is it a good idea to steal from the bible?
2. "Nobody wins slamming doors." From the song, Nobody Wins Slamming Doors
3. "When you sing, it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart." About a Boy (I'm not sure I really say that so much, but it makes me laugh to think about it.)
4. "I guess you were right. The Bluebonnets were worth the drive." From some song that I can't remember the name of.
5. "I'm seeing someone. She doesn't know I see her, but I see her." Centre Stage

Not Your 5 Favorite Foods, But the 5 You're Most Likely Eating:
1. Chicken Nuggets
2. English muffin with peanut butter
3. Gumbo
4. a box of junior mints
5. Cold cereal, no milk

Five People Who Must Immediately Respond:
1. Katie, who is making me crazy jealous by going to London for spring break
2. Wendy, who is not nearly as boring as her library status may make her sound
3. Bryan, because he'll have more than enough to say
4. Genius, because she knows Chemistry (and because I'm running out of people I know)
5. Stef, because she made it to Utah

what NOT to ask your teacher

Listed in no particular order:


Ms. Reed, are you pregnant?

Are you ever planning on having kids? Because if you are, don't you think you're a little behind?

Now, I know you're talking about stuff, but are we supposed to be learning it?

What are you doing this weekend? Cause I'm having people over to our hot tub.

Did your boyfriend just dump you or something? Cause you're kind of grumpy today.

Happy Birthday Al

Yesterday was Albert Einstein's birthday. And, as is absolutely necessary in science classes, we made ice cream to celebrate. Because science class just wouldn't be the same without him.

Happy 127-th!

wet

We had our first track meet on Thursday, which went very well despite the other coaches making fun of me for wearing black dress pants.

And despite the fact that one little girl wet her pants during her race. Even after I told her that it was not a good idea to wait until after the race, and that it would not encourage her to run faster, but just make her uncomfortable. And even after I told her horror stories about girls from another school who had "accidents" during their events. But she did cut 30 seconds off of her mile, so she may have been right about the running faster idea.

dear parents,

i am not a liar I'M NOT!!!!!
So if your child tells you one story, and it differs somewhat from MY story, just remember.
I AM NOT A LIAR!Especially if your child is failing my class.
And the story HE told you was that I am trying my best to fail him.
By giving him a zero for an assignment that he turned in.
GAAAH!
Chances are, he's making up excuses (ie, LIES) about why he is failing my class.
That's what logic would tell us, anyway.
But apparently we don't all take logic into account.
Because we would prefer to believe that our child is perfect.
Right.

Right.

But just so you know, I'm NOT BUDGING!
Even if you think I'm lying.
And evil.

So you're not helping his grade.
But you are getting on my nerves.

A LOT.


Thanks,
Ms. Reed

sad

One of my students came into my room this morning to ask if he could have an extension on his lab report because his mom threw him out of the house last night. It made me want to cry.

jealousy

Today during class, I told a story about my friend and her boyfriend.

Ryan's response: Are you just jealous that she has a man and you can't get one?

Very funny, Ryan.

wish list

Just in case anyone out there is really dying to send me a gift, here's what I would like (in no particular order):

- An explanation as to why freshmen still think it's funny when the whole class drops their pens at the same time.

- And an explanation as to why said freshmen are seriously surprised when I kick the instigators out of my class.

- And why teenagers still don't get that I understand their sexual innuendos.

- And a poster of Einstein. (It's his birthday on the 14th)

- And a new drinking duck, since one of my students broke mine.

- 2 extra hours in each day

- A physical chemistry textbook

- A case of Powerade Option

- The Louis Vitton handbag that Collin offered to buy me when he saw that my bag is broken

- A trip to visit my nieces (I now have TWO)

- And a nice man certainly would be appreciated.

Thanks.

i'm feeling much better, thanks

And my 4th period class was very glas to see me back and no longer sick yesterday. And luckily, they know me well enough by this point that when they asked me what had made me sick, and I responded, "a hangover", they realized just how funny of a joke that was. Not necessarily appropriate, but very very funny.

And I had my official "how is the school year going, do we want you to come back next year" meeting with the headmaster yesterday. And she told me I've made one of the smoothest transitions into teaching she's ever seen, and offered me a job for next year. So I celebrated by buying myself a blended rootbeer float to celebrate.

Yesterday was also my very first track practice. It mainly involved showing up late because I was not informed that we meet in the fieldhouse at the beginning of practice, and not the track, and then a lot of yelling at kids to run faster, pretending not to feel bad when I made kids throw up, and making them run extra laps for whining. All in all, we had a very enjoyable time.

And in more exciting news, I'm going to a science teacher's conference tomorrow, and, as much as I'd like to believe my students will miss me dearly, they are anticipating my absence since I am leaving a movie for them to watch while I'm gone.

That's it.

Tidbits

I'm the new JV Track coach at our school, which basically means I babysit the younger kids while the real coach trains the varsity runners, but still. They gave me my very own whistle and stopwatch and clipboard, which makes me feel very official and bossy, so I signed up for the job. Plus, I think I get a free track shirt.

I threw up during my 4th period class yesterday and had to go home early. I think this may be the 2nd time in my life I've gone home sick. The first was when I was in first grade and had the chicken pox and my mom told me I couldn't go to school, but I ran out the front door and all the way to school anyway. They made me leave.

On a not-so-happy note, my friends apparently have been planning a trip to Lake Tahoe and forgot to include me in the email exchange! Grrr.... Well, then, I'll plan a trip to Europe for myself, thankyouverymuch. But I can't really be mad, because I'm pretty sure most of them were unaware of their folly. Most.

I'm learning Organic Chemistry, which is way more fun than it may sound. And I totally aced the first quiz.

some fools never learn

or, how to annoy me.

Sometimes I have way too much faith in people, and their ability to just figure things out. Like the woman who called me twenty times in one day, thinking that it was her daughter's number. And then three days and two pleasant "I am not your daughter, you must have the wrong number" conversations later, she still has not figured out that she wrote down THE WRONG PHONE NUMBER!!! Instead, she keeps reading back to me MY phone number, and telling me how funny that is that her daughter and I have the exact same number, and isn't that a coincidence?

Which would be fine, if she hadn't decided, at 11:00 pm, to begin calling EVERY. TWO. MINUTES. Because maybe if she called enough times, the call would magically be transferred to somebody's phone besides mine. It wasn't.

dear anonymous poster:

otherwise known as brother.

I emailed you last!! So there.

Love, Poodle

i am clearly playing favorites

We played a review game in my physics class today, since they have a test on Monday, and I thought it would be more interesting than going over review problems all class.

The rules of the game are as follows, and were explained at the beginning of class:
1. The class should break up into 5 groups of 4 students each.
2. I will read a question out loud, only once, and then the teams will race the see who can come up with the correct answer first.
3. When the team agrees on a correct answer, they ring the bell. The answer must be written down, units must be labeled, and it has to be completely correct or they will not receive any points for the problem. If even the sign is incorrect, I will move on to the next team.
4. The team with the most points at the end of the period wins a prize.

Sounds like fun, right?

Well, it was. For me, at least. But one particular group of boys had failed to listen to the instructions at the beginning of class. And they kept getting the wrong answers. Or ringing the bell before their answer was written down. So they kept not getting points.

So then they quit. And slammed their books on the table. And informed me that they are "the smartest people in the class", but I just don't like them. And pouting, sulking, glaring, and muttering complaints under their breath.

Seriously, if I weren't laughing so hard, I would have kicked them all out of class.

Freshmen.

Ms Reed's Class Policies

1. Kissing up is perfectly acceptable behavior. It is, in fact, highly encouraged. You are in school to develop not only your intellctual capacity, but a character that will allow you to succeed in the future. And seriously, who has ever become very successful without learning the fine art of buttkissing.

2. Never interrupt my class with a comment that begins, "So, on this cartoon I used to watch...."

3. If you are going to eat in my class, it better be something I like, and you'd better be willing to share.

4. If you make fun of me, I'll make fun of you.

5. If you are trying to convince me to spend my evening grading the lab report that you turned in late, just so you will no longer have a zero for it, and therefore can possibly get out of being grounded this weekend, I would suggest not starting your argument with "Well, you don't party and you don't have a TV, so what better do you have to do..."

6. If I am speaking sternly to one of your classmates, don't tell jokes that will make me laugh. I lose all credibility when that happens.

7. Don't think that I"m too old to understand sexual innuendos. I know what all those words mean. Don't use them in my class.

8. When you ask me what we're doing in class today, and my response is "having fun," I'm not being sarcastic. I really do think Chemistry is fun. And so should you.

sometimes...

i run out of time and forget to write.

and then I forget to email my sisters.

and then I forget to call my friends.

And sometimes freshmen are immature.

And sometimes juniors are immature. Well, maybe I should modify that to that one junior named James who happens to be in my 4th period class. The rest of them are great.

Especially the one who came into my classroom at the beginning of all of my classes today to collect money so that I can win the "lets slime a teacher" contest we're currently having. Because he really thought I would love to get slimed this Friday. He's sweet. And I got him back when I taught his pre-cal class. Hehe...

I lost $10 today....

The very $10 that was the last cash I had for the month of January. The $10 that was supposed to feed me for the next week. All because it's Monday morning and raining and my Chemistry students were tired and bored and I wanted to wake them up, so I told them if they could catch my $10 bill they could keep it. And Nick caught it. And kept it. I knew I should have only let them each try once. That's what I get for getting cocky.

But I got a free meal on Saturday, all because I answered my phone without looking at the number, and when I heard a male's voice on the other end, a male's voice that sounded shockingly similar to my friend Michael's, I assumed that it was Michael and sounded way too excited about having dinner with him. And then I realized that the voice did not, in fact, belong to Michael, but did, in fact, belong to Brad. The same Brad who has been calling me for months and once asked me "Do you like me? Cause I like you. That's why I was staring at you yesterday. So do you like me?" and made me feel like I was back in second grade. So we spent a rather uncomfortable hour eating Indian food while he commented continuously on how it was way too quiet in the restaurant, and that made him feel like he had to talk, which he just didn't like. To which I responded "well, it is 3:30 in the afternoon. Not too many people eat dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon."

The moral of the story is, check your caller ID. And never trust teenagers.

much better today

I had a rotten day yesterday, mostly due to the fact that high-school freshmen can be brats.

But then I went to my Chemistry class, with the sophomores and juniors whom I love so dearly, and Ryan informed me that he had to leave class early to go to the doctor, and that, while he was excited to get out of school early, he was sincerley sad to be missing my class. He is the best kiss-up I've had in a long time.

And then I went home and read the lab reports that my Chemistry students wrote, and found explanations such as Matt's "The decomposition was meant to show how violent decomposition reactions are. We heated some copper sulfate pentahydrate and five minutes later it turned gray," and Mikey's "We then placed 4 drops of potassium iodide solution in a watch glass, and added 4 drops of lead nitrate solution wondering what could possibly happen this time, and as soon as contact was established, it turned bright yellow. Astounding," which made me want to give them both A's, until I considered that it's probably not appropriate to use sarcasm (or run-on sentences, for that matter) in a formal write-up. So I let them build rockets today instead of discussing empirical formulas, the whole class was entirely grateful, and everyone was happy.

And my freshmen were not such brats today, mainly because I told them that if they could catch the $20 bill I dropped, they could keep it. Nobody caught it, because you'd have to have a .17 second reaction time. Which none of them do. Suckers!!

i think my brain may explode...

I've made it my lifelong goal to never stop learning. And this weekend, I kept that promise to myself.

I learned first of all just how much !FUN! it is to run into a student while shopping for bras, and debating between the pink polka-dots and the blue with peach bows. We pretended not to notice each other until I had checked out and said bras were neatly tucked away in their pink bag. I think we both handled that situation fairly gracefully.

I also learned that, just because an overhead lightbulb was only on for 30 seconds before it burned out, it is still hot enough to burn a hole right through your sweater in .5 seconds flat. And that students find that surprisingly amusing.

And that students also find it funny when you trip over their backpack and lose a shoe.

And that The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is a fantastic movie, and if I were the type to cry in movies, I would have cried in that one.

And I think that's it.

have you missed me?

Well, I'm finally back. And if you guys haven't missed me, I can assure you that my student sure have. Sam even thought about me a couple of times while he was in the shower. I wasn't exactly sure what to think about that, but the rest of the class certainly was not at a loss for snide remarks.

I spent my week back wondering what exactly had happened to the luggage that didn't make it back to Georgia with me, staring at the phone that had died and could not be charged due to the fact that the charger was in aforementioned lost luggage, and wondering why, when my car decided to break down on my way to school, standing in the middle of the road doing my best to look helpless and pathetic did not persuade anybody to stop and help me push my car out of the intersection. It did, however, merit several dirty looks and possibly a few obscene gestures. So much for southern hospitality. I then spent the remainder of the week feeling sorry for myself that I was not in Texas long enough to see baby Mabel, trying to figure out exactly how much Ace Automotive ripped me off when they "fixed" my broken-down car, and informing them that I am not actually as stupid as I look and that, no, it is actually not okay for them to charge me to fix the parts that they broke.

At school, much of my week consisted of pretending to be impressed with Tony for having "that bad-boy thing going on." Apparently it really works for him. I also made a few chemicals explode, burned a hole in my sweater in the process, but decided it was all worth it in the end, since my students were actually excited about something we were doing.

On a brighter note, Christmas was fantastic. I briefly considered returning the adorable pink shoes I received based on practicality issues, then realized that with my wardrobe, they are quite possibly the most practical shoes I own. I'd be hard-pressed to find an outfit they don't match. The pregnant olympics were unfortunately cancelled for being referred to as the "special" olympics one too many times. Apparently pregnant women do not like to be referred to as "special." Who knew? We enjoyed a few riveting games of Taboo and Speed Scrabble, and had a good laugh when, as we were looking for something fun to do, Shawn suggested, with the utmost enthusiasm, "Hey, let's do something PRODUCTIVE!"

I'm an aunt!!!

And I'm already the favorite aunt. Obviously.

Mabel was born Monday night at 11:20, weighing in at 6 lb, 8 oz. She's adorable.