a story in which my smartest student loses all of my respect

The Story for which he will be ridiculed for the rest of the year and, if I have anything to say about it, quite possibly the rest of his life:

Matthew, the student who scored a 105 on my physics midterm, which was 13 points higher than the next highest grade and 71 points higher than the lowest grade (while taking a scantron midterm exam): "Um, I put down B for #52, but I want to change my answer to C. How do I do that?"

The response: Um, see that pink rubbery thing on the end of your pencil? Rub that over the "B". It makes the pencil mark disappear, and it's almost like you never wrote it. Pretty clever, huh?

final exam bonus

"Explain something physics related that we discussed this year that was NOT addressed on the exam."

Guess how many students did NOT answer the bonus? Way too many. That's two free points, just because I was really getting into the whole Christmas spirit idea.

And guess how many students did NOT bring a calculator to a FINAL EXAM IN PHYSICS?!? Exactly 25% of the class. But they wouldn't know that, because they didn't have a calculator!

an actual conversation

Walking out of my building yesterday. Passing by my principal.

Principal: You're going home early today! See you tomorrow.

Me: I'm not actually going home. I'm just running over to the physics room to pick up some equipment.

Principal (with oh so much tact): Oh. For a minute there I thought you were getting a, uh, you know...

Me: A life?

Him: Well. Yes.

how i was crowned queen of everything

As if there were ever any question.

And although my fifth period class has always loved me, mainly because I continuously astound them with my knowledge of physics and feed them skittles and let them show the class pictures of one-eyed cats and teach them about conversion disorder and let them sit on their desks during class (because it is a small class and they are all angels) they were not yet convinced of my stellar sense of humor.

That is, until I won the stupid joke contest.

A priest, a monk, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says "What, is this a joke?"

Both funny and dumb at the same time. That's tough to beat.

mass of the immaculate conception

Walking the five blocks to mass in 25 degree weather with 600 teenagers = one surprisingly amusing experience.

And I must compliment the one student who convinced the ENTIRE STUDENT BODY to engage in a game called DDB, which is an acronym for something most likely inappropriate. That takes all kinds of leadership skills that I only wish I possessed. If only the game didn't involved mercilessly slugging anyone who makes the mistake of saying any word beginning with the letter "B".

And if only they remembered on their own, before I had to inform them that they would DIE if they thought for one second I was playing this game, that I am an adult and therefore do not participate in such shenanigans. But I can't really blame them, because I am so young and fun and lovable, so it's only natural for them to sometimes forget that I am an adult. Sometimes I forget too.

turns out i suck at blogging

The end.

reasons my birthday kind of sucked

• I was chewed out by an angry parent who thinks it's my fault her son turns in incomplete and completely incorrect work and is therefore failing.
  
• I stayed up entirely too late the night before and was therefore very tired and therefore overly emotional.
• My indoor soccer team lost our first game. Badly. I fail as a coach.
• There were one or two phone calls I was hoping to get, and didn't. What a let-down.
• I had already received all of my birthday presents, and therefore had no presents to open on my actual birthday.
  
• The end.
  

reasons my birthday was totally awesome

• Every single member of my family called me to wish me a happy birthday. Except for my dad. Apparently those international calls are still pretty tricky.
• Two of my classes sang me enthusiastic renditions of "Happy Birthday"
• Two of my students made me a birthday card and left it on my car windshield
• Another student made me a birthday card and wore it around like a necklace all class period
• My department bought me chocolates, flowers, and a candle. They're so nice.
• I have received countless compliments on my new boots