A Toast to Bexar

It's usually pretty tricky business getting myself to fall asleep at night. Unless I am insanely tired (ie, I haven't slept in 48 hours), my ability to enter the beautiful world of slumber is significantly dependent on what thoughts are running through my head. That's right, it's not whether my bed is comfortable, whether I'm too cold, too hot, or any other external physical effect. I can fall asleep in just about any setting, so long as my thoughts are conducive to sleep.

So, exactly what sort of thoughts bring sleep? Well, it can't be anything that makes me too happy. Because heaven forbid I be too happy when I fall asleep. Then I might have really happy dreams, and wake up really happy the next morning. So you'd think that I could just focus on something that makes me angry. Yeah, right. It's not quite that simple. In that case, I get too worked up, start thinking of really clever comebacks to whatever imagined wrong has been done, and then it's all over.

So here's the trick.

If I want to fall asleep, I have channel my brain towards something that I am either indifferent towards, or someothing that makes me a little sad. SAD? Yup, that's right. I have to either rid myself of all emotions, or bring myself on the verge of tears. Sometimes I wonder what bizarre force is manipulating my deep dark psyche.

So, last night, I lay in bed trying to fall asleep. Hmmm.... What upsetting thought do I get to focus on tonight? Lets see... My roommate's bringing her annoying dog home for six weeks. Nope, not good enough. Okay. Hmmm... I'm bored with school. Nah, too overdone. Ooh! I have a good one! My little sister's getting married! I'm a little bit sad that I won't be able to see her as much. Perfect! That's it.

Alright, focus... Let's see. Carrie's wedding. Huh. Well, I wonder if she's going to have toasts at the luncheon? Those are usually tearjerkers. Ooh, better yet, I wonder if she'd ask ME to give a toast? Even better. What would I say? Probably something like this:

"I'm four and a half years older than Carrie.
I've always thought that the older sister should be the one to set the example. I wanted it to be my responsibility to show her how to act, how to treat people.
But over the past couple of years, she's become the kind of person I only wish I could be. I'm so happy that she's found somebody who recognizes and brings out everything good in her.
Congratulations, Bex."

At this point, everyone would be in tears, trying their best to keep their mascara from running. Ahh, bliss! I'm already almost asleep.