parent conference

Parent: Hi, I'm Claire's mom. I just stopped by so you could reaffirm my mothering abilities by telling me how wonderful my daughter is.

Me: Um... whoa.

i found my dream job

In Baltimore. Im applying for it right now. They are looking for someone to teach freshman physics. I happen to teach freshman physics at one of the few schools in the country that teaches physics to freshmen. And they want someone who is interested in possibly teaching engineering electives in the future. (Um, also me.) So I really think they need to hire me. Thats what I told them in my letter.

If I get the job, I will:

• teach 4 sections of Freshman physics
• that is one class less than the 5 I am currently teaching
  
• move to Baltimore
• probably not have to coach JV cross country
• be the happiest girl alive

All I have to do now is write my statement of educational philosophy, in which I will basically tell them that I will fit perfectly at their school. I hope they buy it.

just a little advice for men

If you are on a date with a girl, don't tell her you think her shoes have gone out of style.

Especially if they haven't gone out of style.

a few updates, just because it's been awhile

• Cross country ended today. Hoorah!
• This means that now I can devote all of my extra time to Dance Team.
  
• I was admitted to our school's soccer game as a student last week. I informed them of their mistake and paid the full $6 adult entry fee.
  
• I let them believe I did this because I'm so incredibly honest. In reality, I was just trying to save my pride.
• Our principal finally found a long-term sub for my coworker who is out on maternity leave. This means that I am no longer responsible for teaching two classes at the same time. (And if you have never tried teaching two different subjects to two different groups of students during the same class period, let me tell you. It's not easy. Nor is it much fun.)
• I think I'm going to take a trip to San Francisco soon. With my sister.
• We are starting an egg launch project in my physics class this week. I think I'm more excited about it than some of my students are.
• I think I know what I want for my birthday from my parents. A subscription to The Physics Teacher magazine. It's expensive. But really cool.
• I think that's about it.
  

how to totally embarrass a freshman boy

While he is taking a quiz in your class, pick up his Chemistry notebook that happens to be lying on the floor next to his desk.

Begin flipping through, just to see if he's actually taking notes in your class. Discover that he IS, in fact, taking notes. Feel pretty great about that.

Notice the rather large note on one page reading "Willis is totally in love with Ms. Reed."

Tap him on the shoulder, point to the note, and walk away before he can defend himself.

how to make freshmen boys laugh really hard

While you are wearing your Banana Republic outfit with the Anthropologie necklace, tell them in a most serious way that you are a rap artist.

how to make a freshman boy almost cry

When he draws a picture of you during study hall, pretend to be offended and demand to see it.

Then tell him that you just do not find that picture very flattering and ask lots of serious questions about why he felt the need to mock you.

And then pretend that you are going to show this mocking picture to Coach Pierce, who is the one person on campus that every single student is afraid of, mostly when he is involved, it means that they are in a LOT of trouble.

Then let him stew for the last fifteen minutes of class. And every time he looks over to glare at you, smile at him because you are not so good at pretending to be angry when you are not really angry. This part is crucial. Instead of picking up on the fact that you are not really angry with him and are not going to get him into trouble, he will think that you are glad that he is in so much trouble and will possibly get suspended for drawing a stick-figure depiction of you. And this is when you think he just might actually cry.

And then when the bell rings and he approaches you asking you to please not laugh at him, then you can finally tell him this is all a joke, and that you actually found the stick-figure rather amusing. And then, since he is luckily a very funny kid, and knows perfectly well that he gives you a hard time and that you are therefore entitled to giving him a hard time occasionally, he will laugh with you.

But then you realize that this probably means that you have started a war. But you also realize that this is by far the funniest joke you have ever played on a student. And that pretty much makes you satan.

something funny

I am in charge of the dance team at our school.

Enough said.

I'll update you next month after you've stopped laughing.

sad day in georgia

I just found out that the coffee shop at which I sit and grade papers and use their free wireless internet is closing. Tomorrow is their last day open. Now where am I supposed to get free wireless internet?

And it was the location at which I made my first Macon friend. (Now, that part doesn't make me that sad, but I thought it would make me sound a little less selfish than whining about loss of free wireless internet.) But seriously, where am I going to find free internet?

I have no idea.

listen to me whine

Maybe I should have my students fill out new class evaluations. I thought we were all getting along so well, and enjoying Chemistry so much, but for some reason, within the past four days, TWO of my students have gone to the principal and told him they want to transfer out of my class because I hate them and apparently pick on them and am mean to them. Whatever. I gave them detentions. That's not that mean.

Luckily, Mr. Principal man suggested to Girl 1 that maybe if she didn't sit in the back of the class and talk to her friends and write on the lab tables, our relationship might improve. And luckily she took his advice and is now a delight in class, and no longer thinks that I hate her.

Not so luckily, Mr. Principal man told Boy 1's mother and grandmother that I would LOVE to have a conference with them to discuss the problem. And not so luckily Boy 1's mother has the same attitude problem as her son. Huh. Imagine that. So after school today, I was delighted by 45 minutes of interrogation by Boy's mother and grandmother, asking why I'm so mean to him and why I told him I don't care about him and why I yell at him and why I'm failing him. (Accompanied by rather frightening glares.) Never mind the fact that he either argues with me or flat-out ignores me every time I say ANYTHING to him, and never listens to a word I say and therefore doesn't even know what a proton is six weeks into Chemistry class. Clearly I am the problem. If I treated him with a little more respect, he would probably treat me with a little more respect. And clearly the assignment I gave, the assignment that I spent twenty minutes of class explaining, and that every other student seemed to understand perfectly well, was way too confusing and he therefore cannot be held responsible for failing. But as a consolation prize, Boy's grandma told me just how HOT Boy thinks I am. So I guess that makes it all okay?

And then I gave another Girl 2 a detention (for swearing) and she had an absolute conniption in class, I wanted to cry. Watching a student knocking ladders over and screaming and stomping around the room was just about all I could handle. Yikes. So I whined to the school counselor, cause he's a nice guy and knows Girl 1, Girl 2, and Boy 1 very well, and therefore understands my frustration. And he gave me a free t-shirt. Now my day is much better.

So in summary, it's been a long week. But on a better note, one of my students brought me donuts this morning, just because he's so nice. And Andrew is now bringing me an apple every friday, simply because teachers are supposed to like apples. And I was invited to be his best friend. And my physics students, the ones that every single teacher has warned me are so lazy and not so smart and not so polite, just turned in a set of beautiful lab reports. And they already understand Newton's laws way better than last year's students. And not a single one of them has complained about me to anyone. Can I just tell you how much I heart freshmen? I do. A lot.

Class Evaluations

Last week I was feeling brave, so I let my students fill out "class evaluations," which basically means they tell me (anonymously) their favorite and least favorite aspects of the class, what they understand the best and what is most confusing to them. This was done under the pretense that I value their opinions and want each student not only to be successful, but to enjoy the class as well. Really I knew there would be a whole lot of buttkissing going on, and it makes me feel good to have students write that their favorite part of class is me, and that there's just nothing that they don't like about my class thus far. (Um, is there some dirt on your nose? Cause it's looking a little brown.)

As expected, most of them are phenomenal buttkissers, which made me feel pretty good, they were pleased that I had asked for their opinions, and everyone left class happy. Mission accomplished. I was not, however, expecting a note with the name "Mr. Math Teacher" signed at the top with the responses "my favorite part of the class is getting to see you every day, my least favorite part is when I have ot leave, I understand that I really like you, but the one thing I don't get is why you never call."

Dear Students,

No, I am not dating the math teacher.

And no, I am not going to start dating the math teacher.

Yes, I sat next to him at the football game yesterday. And yes, we walked out of the stadium together. But that's because we just happened to arrive at the same time, and we just happened to park next to each other. I assure you it was purely coincidental.

So all those raised eyebrows and excited squeals? They can stop.

Thanks,
Ms. Reed

i'm fashionable

Or so says my student John.

But the sad part of the story is that after John told me I was fashionable, and I put my hands on my hips and told him "Thank you very much, John, I really appreciate that," poor sweet John thought I was being sarcastic. And then he got very scared and wanted to leave my class before I started yelling at him for telling me I am fashionable.

I'm not sure why anyone would ever yell at someone for calling them fashionable, but he was nevertheless very afraid. Maybe because I was in such shock that John, who is a delightful child but much more likely to make fun of me than to call me fashionable, had given me a sincere compliment that my thank-you was said in more of a tone of surprise than gratitude. But then I didn't yell, and then he was very confused and did not know what to do.

Luckily, John is very smart and knows how to use deductive reasoning and therefore concluded that since I did not yell at him I was sincerely grateful that he also me fashionable. So now guess what? John and I are "tight". That's what he told me. And that's what he told his friends at the football game when I walked by.

And that's a happy ending to a sad story.

one not-so-good thing

Having your student tell you in the middle of class that your fly is down. And finding out that it's not a joke.

a few good things

• being told that my teaching techniques are "borderline genius." I'm more prone to believe that they are beyond genius, but I'll take the compliment.
• other teachers telling me that they heard their students talking about how much they loved my class
• free laptops
• and long weekends
• and a lot of other stuff
• making fun of Ben mercilessly for showing up to the faculty party wearing the exact same shirt as his fiance. I am so glad they found each other. And so grateful for the hours entertainment found at their expense.
  

guess where i am

No, seriously. I want you to guess.

Fine. I'll tell you. I'm sitting on the floor in my living room typing on my brand-new laptop. Now, you may be wondering how I can afford a brand-new, fingerprint recognition, built-in wireless internet laptop on a teacher's salary. I'll tell you how I can afford it. I didn't pay for it. My school bought it for me, mainly because they love me a lot. And the only thing I have to do in return is use it a lot. I'm pretty sure I can do that.

i have just one question

How exactly does one end up driving west on a road that is not I-10, a road that is, in fact, so far from being I-10 that it has stoplights and pedestrian crosswalks, when one's only job for ten full hours was to drive east on I-10 without getting off?

I'm just not sure.

I think it might have had something to do with the traffic jam. The traffic jam which occupied four of the five lanes of freeway, while the fifth lane was empty due to the fact that it led somewhere that the traffic jam did not. And if everybody wanted so badly to get where the traffic jam was going, badly enough that they would remain in said traffic jam instead of occupying the empty lane, then clearly the empty lane must be leading to nothing but trouble. Kind of like when one pulls up to a toll booth, sees the green light over an empty tollbooth lane, the light which means "this lane is open", but one still pulls into the next lane, the one behind a row of six cars, because clearly there is something wrong with the empty lane.

"Huh. Nobody's going through that one. It must be broken."

And although one saw all six cars pull in right in front of you, and knows perfectly well that they are not receiving a secret message informing them of the demise that will surely come as a result of driving though the empty tollbooth lane, a secret message that you are somehow missing, even though you pulled up at the same time they did, one still avoids the empty tollbooth lane.

"How come nobody's using that one? The light's green. It's open. Idiots. Me, I'm not an idiot. I'm just not in any sort of rush. So, in order to prove that I'm not in a rush, and am so totally laid-back, and so totally selfless as to leave the empty tollbooth lane open to allow other cars to go in front of me, I will sit in this long line behind six other cars and wait patiently. That's how nice I am."

Yes. Yes. I'm pretty sure that's it. One somehow got off of I-10 going east and onto a non-freeway road traveling west because of the traffic jam. Because one, being all the way over in the left lane, the designated "fast" lane, did not want to inconvenience the other traffic jammers by cutting in front of them, even though one would surely wave the "thank you for letting me in" wave, since one obviously is aware of proper driving etiquette, just to make the poor traffic jammers jealous that one got to drive in the empty lane.

That's nice. That's very, very nice.

Dear Subconscious,

Please stop sending first day of school dreams. This is getting old.

I'm not going to forget to plan a lesson. And I'm not going to forget that school starts August 16. And I'm certainly not going to get lost trying to find the classroom.

And everybody knows that kids always behave on the first day. Even if that's the one day of the year that nobody will give me trouble, I promise you they will be nice for at least that first day.

Thanks,
Brittany

Dear Engineering Friends,

Good news. I checked Katie's and Bryan's academic calendars and GUESS WHAT!?! They have the same spring break. So guess where we're going? Atlanta.

We have two options. We can go Friday - Monday (or Tuesday) March 23-27, or Thursday - Sunday, March 29-April 1. I'll let you guys decide.

And while we're in Atlanta, we can visit:

Martin Luther King, Jr. National Historic Site
A two-block area in memory of the famed leader of the Civil Rights movement and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. Features include the Freedom Hall Complex, Chapel of All Faiths, and King Library.

CENTENNIAL OLYMPIC PARK
This 21-acre urban landscape, the largest urban park to be developed in this country in more than two decades, was the central venue for the 1996 Summer Olympics.

Atlanta Botanical Garden
The Atlanta Botanical Garden is a beautiful exhibit of nature's glory, right in the heart of the city. A walk through the garden is a great stress reliever. There are always special events going on, including unique flowers, summer concerts, romantic jazz nights, and children's activities.

Stone Mountain Park
One of Atlanta's most recognizable tourist attractions, this huge monument to the confederacy covers 25 million square feet and rises 825 feet above the surrounding area, carved with the likeness of three confederate heroes. There is plenty to see and do, including the ever-popular laser show, holiday events, hiking, boating, fishing, and souvenir shopping.

High Museum of Art
American art at the top of the High is well worth a visit. Varied collections, beautifully displayed in stunning building.

or Atlanta's underground

...to name just a few. And we can eat at:

South City Kitchen
The culinary traditions of South Carolina's Lowcountry inspire the cooking at this cheerful restaurant. This is the place to get fried green tomatoes with goat cheese, she-crab soup, or buttermilk

Ray's on the River Seafood House
On the banks of the Chattahoochee River, Ray's on the River draws crowds, particularly for the Sunday brunch.

And then we can head down to Macon for

Cherry Blossom Festival / Local Events
Third week in March featuring the best of Southern traditions and contemporary entertainment. Attractions include hot-air balloons, arts & crafts, parades, daily concerts, dances, and amusement

Neat Museum
We really enjoyed the Music Hall of Fame - it was the first attraction we visited when my man moved to Macon. It was smaller than we expected, but packed with interesting music info about GA artists

or

www.tubmanmuseum.com


and eat

Southern Food with Gourmet Flair
i love the concept. southern food with a gourmet twist. i just felt like i could lounge and take my time. no one was rushing me. and everyone who works there was so great to talk to.

or have a

http://travel.yahoo.com/p-reviews-2980732-prod-travelguide-action-read-ratings_and_reviews-i;_ylt=ArfZDp1.I6QkHgPxywHT21fGQGoL#1
Service and food was excellent. Great pasta and the best steak my husband has ever had. Nice, romantic ambience, tucked away in downtown Macon (almost hidden).

and dessert at Bruster's.

And if we want to continue the outdoorsy/camping tradition, there is plenty of camping to do in the Northern part of the state.

So who's on board?

Dear Mom,

Would you mind sending me that National Geographic article that I was coveting from your house? Thanks. You're the best.

Love, Poodle

PS: Thanks for the outfit.
PPS: And the shoes.