they learn

My students are finally learning that sometimes, I can be more stubborn than they ever thought imaginable.

Tony: Ms. Reed, I need you to print out a new grade report for me.
Me: You do, huh? Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you one yesterday.
Tony: Yeah, but I turned in a late assignment, so that should have brought my grade up.
Me: You sure did. Good for you.
Tony: Right. So, I need.... Forget it. You're not going to budge. I'm wasting my time.

If only the rest of them would pick up on this.

humiliating

I am officially the weakest person in my physics class. And I'm the teacher. We were talking about the physics principles behind karate chops, so I brought in some boards to break, thinking that I would impress them with my ability to smash a stack of boards with my bare fist. Because this website that I found told me I could. And I trusted it.

My hand hurts. And I couldn't even break one board. But every student in the class who tried was able to break at least one. I think I need to start working out.

count your many blessings

I've been pretty happy with my life these days. In fact, I've been kind of hard-pressed to find anything to complain about at all. I have a job that I love, mainly because it allows me to be the boss of everyone, (even if they are all 16 years old), and my own office (classroom). But the advice guy on the easy listening radio station (who recently replaced Delilah, hallelujah), said that people are the happiest when they make a list of three things they are thankful for every day. So I have decided to take his advice, because he seems to have all the answers. And I decided that even if I count each family member individually, and count the card my sister sent me as two blessings (because it was just that funny), soon enough I'll have to start finding more creative reasons to be grateful. So this is what I came up with.

I am thankful that I am no longer 16 years old and still in the "I'm trying to fit in by acting 'cool' while still establishing my individuality" phase. Because this phase usually involves (if you're male) showing up at prom in a white suit with black pinstripes, (which by the way nobody really thought was attractive at all).

I am also thankful that I am no longer 16 and am now smart enough to not fall for men's deceptive charm. Oh, wait. Never mind, I still fall for that. Every time. But it's been several months since any man has tried to charm me, so I have convinced myself that I'm over that phase. And for that, I am eternally grateful. (No, I have no problem with being lulled into a carnal security. Yes, all is well in Zion.)

And finally, I am grateful for the fact that I am not a 16-year-old boy. Especially the 16-year-old boy who asked the hot girl to prom, and asked her for no reason besides the fact that she is hot, and proceeded to spend the evening holding her purse and flowers while she simultaneously did her best "I'm crossing my arms and turning away from you so that you will know just how much I don't want to be here wtih you" body langugage while scanning the room for anyone to talk to that was not her date.

So yeah. My life is way better than I ever thought.

prom '06

I agreed to chapherone our school's Junior/Senior prom this weekend, partly to be helpful, but mainly because I was curious to see what the 2006 prom styles were like. I'm pretty sure the theme this year was "hot". And not hot as in "wow, all the boys will think I look so hot and will all want to date me", (although this was inevitably the look each girl was going for), but hot as in hot pink, green, yellow, blue, orange, and turquoise, not only on their dresses, but eyes and lips as well.

And I'm pretty sure that dancing has changed a bit since I was in high school. (Not that I ever danced in high school, but that's besides the point. I watched a lot of it, so that totally counts.) The moves I witnessed Saturday night mainly involved feet planted firmly on the floor, sway your hips, swing one arm, eyes on your feet. (Just in case the swaying knocks you off balance, maybe?) And if the music gets really "hopping', jump twice, return to the sway. And people wonder why I don't love to dance. Huh.

Now, it turns out that in Georgia, while line-dancing to country music is not considered "cool", it is perfectly acceptable to line dance to a rap song. And it also turns out that boys who act too tough to get excited about making rock candy in class are not too tough to dance a bunny-hop type line dance, as long as it's to the tune of a rap song. There are some things I will never understand.

All-in-all, everyone had a good time. The girls pranced around taking as many pictures as humanly possible, hiding in the bathroom to discuss the evening with their friends, while the boys followed them around carrying purses, flowers, and talking on their cell phones.

Reason # 4827

Yet one more reason I LOVE my job.

I wore a pair of lime-green pants to school today. A rather bold move on my part, but I love them. And apparently, so did my students. I have never received more compliments on an item of clothing. Teenagers can be so flattering. And my physics students now think I have "so much style".

Even though we did turn off the lights during two of my classes, just to make sure they don't really glow in the dark.

And they love my new dark-brown hair color.

Yup. Teenagers are great.

Spring Break

In exactly 5 hours and 26 minutes, I will officially be on

SPRING BREAK!!!

And if you're a student,

And you think you're excited for spring break,

You have

NO IDEA

Because, as much as I LOVE my students,

I need a vacation in a BAD WAY.

And just so you know, today I played tag with my physics class and taught my Chemistry students how to play spread eagle. Which I'm pretty sure makes me, like, the coolest teacher ever. Not to brag or anything, but seriously, who would not want to be in my class? (Don't answer that.)

so much stuff

Everything you've always wanted to know about me, but have never thought to ask. Posted mainly because Heather said all kinds of flattering things about me, and everybody knows that flattery is really the best way to get what you want. If only my students could figure that out, we'd all be much happier. And if someone could inform them that I AM way more entertaining than your high school science teacher, that would be fantastic as well.


Five Movies You Can Watch Over and Over:
1. Charly. I think that might be embarrassing enough to cover all five. And just so Wendy knows, we're watching it EVERY DAY over spring break.
2. Centre Stage
3. Bandits
4. Danny Deckchair
5. Cinderella Man

Five embarrassing Songs that You Know All the Words To:
1. Um, every cheesey song ever written?
2. "Love Shack" by the B-52's
3. "Everything I do I do it for you" by Bryan Adams
4. "Wind Beneath my Wings"
5. I think I embarrassed myself enough with Charly, so I'll stop there.

Five Memorable Halloween Costumes:
1. A dice. age 7
2. Poodle, age 23. (and just so you know, I passed for a 12-year-old in that thing)
3. Tiger, age 4
4. Rainbow Brite, age 5
5. Student, age 25

Five Celebrities You Believe May Secretly be Alien:
1. TomKat (I'm pretty sure they count as one these days)
2. Mary Kate Olsen/Ashley Olsen
3. Nicole Richie
4. Mariah Carey
5. Hanson. All of them.

Five Occupations that You Know You Could Never Do:
1. Engineer. Six years studying the profession was enough for me.
2. Middle school teacher. Good thing I teach high school.
3. High-school principal. Nobody takes me seriously enough.
4. Circus Trainer. That's just wrong.
5. Did I mention engineer? Dating one was more than enough for me.

Five Books You've Recently Read Outside of Schoolwork:
1. Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis
2. The Namesake, Jhumpa Lahiri
3. The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis
4. Memoirs of a Geisha, Arthur Golden
5. What Does It Mean to be Well-Educated, Alfie Kohn

Five Ways to Perfectly Spend an Afternoon:
1. Napping
2. Reading in bed
3. At a high school baseball game with a picnic
4. Traveling somewhere new
5. Hiking

Five Lines You Blatantly Stole From a Movie, TV, a Commercial, or Song:
1. "Sore" As in, "and they were sore afraid." From the bible. Is it a good idea to steal from the bible?
2. "Nobody wins slamming doors." From the song, Nobody Wins Slamming Doors
3. "When you sing, it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart." About a Boy (I'm not sure I really say that so much, but it makes me laugh to think about it.)
4. "I guess you were right. The Bluebonnets were worth the drive." From some song that I can't remember the name of.
5. "I'm seeing someone. She doesn't know I see her, but I see her." Centre Stage

Not Your 5 Favorite Foods, But the 5 You're Most Likely Eating:
1. Chicken Nuggets
2. English muffin with peanut butter
3. Gumbo
4. a box of junior mints
5. Cold cereal, no milk

Five People Who Must Immediately Respond:
1. Katie, who is making me crazy jealous by going to London for spring break
2. Wendy, who is not nearly as boring as her library status may make her sound
3. Bryan, because he'll have more than enough to say
4. Genius, because she knows Chemistry (and because I'm running out of people I know)
5. Stef, because she made it to Utah

what NOT to ask your teacher

Listed in no particular order:


Ms. Reed, are you pregnant?

Are you ever planning on having kids? Because if you are, don't you think you're a little behind?

Now, I know you're talking about stuff, but are we supposed to be learning it?

What are you doing this weekend? Cause I'm having people over to our hot tub.

Did your boyfriend just dump you or something? Cause you're kind of grumpy today.

Happy Birthday Al

Yesterday was Albert Einstein's birthday. And, as is absolutely necessary in science classes, we made ice cream to celebrate. Because science class just wouldn't be the same without him.

Happy 127-th!

wet

We had our first track meet on Thursday, which went very well despite the other coaches making fun of me for wearing black dress pants.

And despite the fact that one little girl wet her pants during her race. Even after I told her that it was not a good idea to wait until after the race, and that it would not encourage her to run faster, but just make her uncomfortable. And even after I told her horror stories about girls from another school who had "accidents" during their events. But she did cut 30 seconds off of her mile, so she may have been right about the running faster idea.

dear parents,

i am not a liar I'M NOT!!!!!
So if your child tells you one story, and it differs somewhat from MY story, just remember.
I AM NOT A LIAR!Especially if your child is failing my class.
And the story HE told you was that I am trying my best to fail him.
By giving him a zero for an assignment that he turned in.
GAAAH!
Chances are, he's making up excuses (ie, LIES) about why he is failing my class.
That's what logic would tell us, anyway.
But apparently we don't all take logic into account.
Because we would prefer to believe that our child is perfect.
Right.

Right.

But just so you know, I'm NOT BUDGING!
Even if you think I'm lying.
And evil.

So you're not helping his grade.
But you are getting on my nerves.

A LOT.


Thanks,
Ms. Reed

sad

One of my students came into my room this morning to ask if he could have an extension on his lab report because his mom threw him out of the house last night. It made me want to cry.

jealousy

Today during class, I told a story about my friend and her boyfriend.

Ryan's response: Are you just jealous that she has a man and you can't get one?

Very funny, Ryan.

wish list

Just in case anyone out there is really dying to send me a gift, here's what I would like (in no particular order):

- An explanation as to why freshmen still think it's funny when the whole class drops their pens at the same time.

- And an explanation as to why said freshmen are seriously surprised when I kick the instigators out of my class.

- And why teenagers still don't get that I understand their sexual innuendos.

- And a poster of Einstein. (It's his birthday on the 14th)

- And a new drinking duck, since one of my students broke mine.

- 2 extra hours in each day

- A physical chemistry textbook

- A case of Powerade Option

- The Louis Vitton handbag that Collin offered to buy me when he saw that my bag is broken

- A trip to visit my nieces (I now have TWO)

- And a nice man certainly would be appreciated.

Thanks.

i'm feeling much better, thanks

And my 4th period class was very glas to see me back and no longer sick yesterday. And luckily, they know me well enough by this point that when they asked me what had made me sick, and I responded, "a hangover", they realized just how funny of a joke that was. Not necessarily appropriate, but very very funny.

And I had my official "how is the school year going, do we want you to come back next year" meeting with the headmaster yesterday. And she told me I've made one of the smoothest transitions into teaching she's ever seen, and offered me a job for next year. So I celebrated by buying myself a blended rootbeer float to celebrate.

Yesterday was also my very first track practice. It mainly involved showing up late because I was not informed that we meet in the fieldhouse at the beginning of practice, and not the track, and then a lot of yelling at kids to run faster, pretending not to feel bad when I made kids throw up, and making them run extra laps for whining. All in all, we had a very enjoyable time.

And in more exciting news, I'm going to a science teacher's conference tomorrow, and, as much as I'd like to believe my students will miss me dearly, they are anticipating my absence since I am leaving a movie for them to watch while I'm gone.

That's it.

Tidbits

I'm the new JV Track coach at our school, which basically means I babysit the younger kids while the real coach trains the varsity runners, but still. They gave me my very own whistle and stopwatch and clipboard, which makes me feel very official and bossy, so I signed up for the job. Plus, I think I get a free track shirt.

I threw up during my 4th period class yesterday and had to go home early. I think this may be the 2nd time in my life I've gone home sick. The first was when I was in first grade and had the chicken pox and my mom told me I couldn't go to school, but I ran out the front door and all the way to school anyway. They made me leave.

On a not-so-happy note, my friends apparently have been planning a trip to Lake Tahoe and forgot to include me in the email exchange! Grrr.... Well, then, I'll plan a trip to Europe for myself, thankyouverymuch. But I can't really be mad, because I'm pretty sure most of them were unaware of their folly. Most.

I'm learning Organic Chemistry, which is way more fun than it may sound. And I totally aced the first quiz.

some fools never learn

or, how to annoy me.

Sometimes I have way too much faith in people, and their ability to just figure things out. Like the woman who called me twenty times in one day, thinking that it was her daughter's number. And then three days and two pleasant "I am not your daughter, you must have the wrong number" conversations later, she still has not figured out that she wrote down THE WRONG PHONE NUMBER!!! Instead, she keeps reading back to me MY phone number, and telling me how funny that is that her daughter and I have the exact same number, and isn't that a coincidence?

Which would be fine, if she hadn't decided, at 11:00 pm, to begin calling EVERY. TWO. MINUTES. Because maybe if she called enough times, the call would magically be transferred to somebody's phone besides mine. It wasn't.

dear anonymous poster:

otherwise known as brother.

I emailed you last!! So there.

Love, Poodle

i am clearly playing favorites

We played a review game in my physics class today, since they have a test on Monday, and I thought it would be more interesting than going over review problems all class.

The rules of the game are as follows, and were explained at the beginning of class:
1. The class should break up into 5 groups of 4 students each.
2. I will read a question out loud, only once, and then the teams will race the see who can come up with the correct answer first.
3. When the team agrees on a correct answer, they ring the bell. The answer must be written down, units must be labeled, and it has to be completely correct or they will not receive any points for the problem. If even the sign is incorrect, I will move on to the next team.
4. The team with the most points at the end of the period wins a prize.

Sounds like fun, right?

Well, it was. For me, at least. But one particular group of boys had failed to listen to the instructions at the beginning of class. And they kept getting the wrong answers. Or ringing the bell before their answer was written down. So they kept not getting points.

So then they quit. And slammed their books on the table. And informed me that they are "the smartest people in the class", but I just don't like them. And pouting, sulking, glaring, and muttering complaints under their breath.

Seriously, if I weren't laughing so hard, I would have kicked them all out of class.

Freshmen.

Ms Reed's Class Policies

1. Kissing up is perfectly acceptable behavior. It is, in fact, highly encouraged. You are in school to develop not only your intellctual capacity, but a character that will allow you to succeed in the future. And seriously, who has ever become very successful without learning the fine art of buttkissing.

2. Never interrupt my class with a comment that begins, "So, on this cartoon I used to watch...."

3. If you are going to eat in my class, it better be something I like, and you'd better be willing to share.

4. If you make fun of me, I'll make fun of you.

5. If you are trying to convince me to spend my evening grading the lab report that you turned in late, just so you will no longer have a zero for it, and therefore can possibly get out of being grounded this weekend, I would suggest not starting your argument with "Well, you don't party and you don't have a TV, so what better do you have to do..."

6. If I am speaking sternly to one of your classmates, don't tell jokes that will make me laugh. I lose all credibility when that happens.

7. Don't think that I"m too old to understand sexual innuendos. I know what all those words mean. Don't use them in my class.

8. When you ask me what we're doing in class today, and my response is "having fun," I'm not being sarcastic. I really do think Chemistry is fun. And so should you.