parent conference

Parent: Hi, I'm Claire's mom. I just stopped by so you could reaffirm my mothering abilities by telling me how wonderful my daughter is.

Me: Um... whoa.

i found my dream job

In Baltimore. Im applying for it right now. They are looking for someone to teach freshman physics. I happen to teach freshman physics at one of the few schools in the country that teaches physics to freshmen. And they want someone who is interested in possibly teaching engineering electives in the future. (Um, also me.) So I really think they need to hire me. Thats what I told them in my letter.

If I get the job, I will:

• teach 4 sections of Freshman physics
• that is one class less than the 5 I am currently teaching
  
• move to Baltimore
• probably not have to coach JV cross country
• be the happiest girl alive

All I have to do now is write my statement of educational philosophy, in which I will basically tell them that I will fit perfectly at their school. I hope they buy it.

just a little advice for men

If you are on a date with a girl, don't tell her you think her shoes have gone out of style.

Especially if they haven't gone out of style.

a few updates, just because it's been awhile

• Cross country ended today. Hoorah!
• This means that now I can devote all of my extra time to Dance Team.
  
• I was admitted to our school's soccer game as a student last week. I informed them of their mistake and paid the full $6 adult entry fee.
  
• I let them believe I did this because I'm so incredibly honest. In reality, I was just trying to save my pride.
• Our principal finally found a long-term sub for my coworker who is out on maternity leave. This means that I am no longer responsible for teaching two classes at the same time. (And if you have never tried teaching two different subjects to two different groups of students during the same class period, let me tell you. It's not easy. Nor is it much fun.)
• I think I'm going to take a trip to San Francisco soon. With my sister.
• We are starting an egg launch project in my physics class this week. I think I'm more excited about it than some of my students are.
• I think I know what I want for my birthday from my parents. A subscription to The Physics Teacher magazine. It's expensive. But really cool.
• I think that's about it.
  

how to totally embarrass a freshman boy

While he is taking a quiz in your class, pick up his Chemistry notebook that happens to be lying on the floor next to his desk.

Begin flipping through, just to see if he's actually taking notes in your class. Discover that he IS, in fact, taking notes. Feel pretty great about that.

Notice the rather large note on one page reading "Willis is totally in love with Ms. Reed."

Tap him on the shoulder, point to the note, and walk away before he can defend himself.

how to make freshmen boys laugh really hard

While you are wearing your Banana Republic outfit with the Anthropologie necklace, tell them in a most serious way that you are a rap artist.

how to make a freshman boy almost cry

When he draws a picture of you during study hall, pretend to be offended and demand to see it.

Then tell him that you just do not find that picture very flattering and ask lots of serious questions about why he felt the need to mock you.

And then pretend that you are going to show this mocking picture to Coach Pierce, who is the one person on campus that every single student is afraid of, mostly when he is involved, it means that they are in a LOT of trouble.

Then let him stew for the last fifteen minutes of class. And every time he looks over to glare at you, smile at him because you are not so good at pretending to be angry when you are not really angry. This part is crucial. Instead of picking up on the fact that you are not really angry with him and are not going to get him into trouble, he will think that you are glad that he is in so much trouble and will possibly get suspended for drawing a stick-figure depiction of you. And this is when you think he just might actually cry.

And then when the bell rings and he approaches you asking you to please not laugh at him, then you can finally tell him this is all a joke, and that you actually found the stick-figure rather amusing. And then, since he is luckily a very funny kid, and knows perfectly well that he gives you a hard time and that you are therefore entitled to giving him a hard time occasionally, he will laugh with you.

But then you realize that this probably means that you have started a war. But you also realize that this is by far the funniest joke you have ever played on a student. And that pretty much makes you satan.